Problems of children: how to turn them around?

Professors and psychologists affirm that when parents intervene directly in the children's problems, they excuse their son continuously, and they see the problem always in the others, conflicts are not usually solved, rather on the contrary, they are magnified and end up usually bridging the group environment.

How to help children when they have problems with children?

Parents and educators must be willing to give them all the "help needed" that is necessary to enhance their autonomy and, for this, we must be available when they need us (not when it suits us), listen (not just hear them) and give problem the importance it deserves, without dramatizing.


We must not forget that, as Professor Carlos Blanco recalls, pre-teens tend to be impulsive and not very reflective; they usually act without having thought before about the reasons for their actions and without measuring the consequences of their actions, not assessing the possible harm of their behavior in other people and in themselves, because their actions are modeling, marking or accentuating features of their character or way of being.

But we can not avoid the problem, encouraging children to flee from situations that may involve an effort. In acting this way, we have to be aware that the most probable thing is that the problem is not solved because we have managed to avoid it for the time being, but it will remain dormant.


How to turn around the problems of children

Carlos Blanco, coordinator of Primary Education at the Los Olmos school in Madrid, gives us guidelines for action that can help us:

1st Educational opportunity. We are facing a very interesting educational situation and not a problem. Our son will grow as a person, a setback will lead him to tanning and practicing strategies in the face of obstacles and fears and, therefore, to overcome and strive.

2º Listen carefully. It is essential that our children have the confidence to come to vent their concerns with us. For this, it is necessary that we know how to listen, having disconnected from the rest of the world and expressing passion for the trifles that our children may be telling us.


3rd Frequency We must assess whether the problem is an isolated event or if it has been repeated on different occasions.

4th The others also have the problem. Our son should know that others, for messing with him, for leaving him isolated, also have a problem and that he should help them find a solution.

5º Help him reflect. Our son can not run away from the problem. We will help you to know and love yourself as you are, valuing your virtues to empower them and lean on them but also, accepting their shortcomings to try to change them.

6th Masters in the techniques of asking. More than giving you great theories and "charlets", we should be masters in the technique of asking, but not so much for the facts themselves, but for the approaches, motives, opinions, consequences: "What is happening, why are you not well? in class, what do you think others see in you what they do not like, what could you do to change it, how would you like the situation to change, what can you do to solve it? "

7th Help him decide. During these conversations, our son will reflect on what happened. Our questions must place the responsibility on the child, so that he reaches a conclusion and decision. For example, rather than saying, "You should go and ask her for forgiveness," it is better to ask her: "What do you think you should do now?"

Marina Berrio
Advisors: Amelia Gomá, Director of the Orvalle School of Madrid.
Clara Sordo, Subdirectora de Primaria of the Orvalle School of Madrid.

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