Power struggles between parents and children
The Power struggles between parents and children They are complicated to solve and that is why parents are so worried. If we add that we can have a tyrant son, things can be twisted even more. But what is behind the lmany power between parents and children And what consequences can they have on family relationships when they are not solved? What role do we parents have to adopt in themany power?
Power struggles and limits
The Power struggles between parents and children they take place because the limits that exist at home have not been sufficiently clarified. Carmen Magro, educational psychologist and director of the School Park in Galapagar (Madrid), explains that "the limits begin to be put when the child has months of life," says Magro, who is convinced that the problem comes if we put the limits when Things start to get complicated. Then it may be too late. Therefore, the psychologist recommends setting limits and setting standards before the child reaches Primary Education. "From Primary, if there are no limits, the problem becomes very fat."
Power struggles and punishments
When a Power fight it takes place and the child is pigeonholed in him "I command more", he can be punished, but it is not always convenient. We have to think that if the child rebels it may be because we are not dedicating enough time. Or maybe if we do it, but not in the right way. "If when we are with them we are more in command and order than to play and enjoy, the children rebel," says Magro.
In this sense, the expert refers to a study that shows that spending an hour more with our children reduces by 50 percent the time that parents spend in the psychologist's office for discussions with the child, power struggles and , in general, problems in the behavior of the child that generate, in turn, domestic complications. For the child to comply with the limits set at home, he must feel "loved and motivated", in the words of Carmen Magro.
Closeness and listening are two of the keys that must be given to a child to ensure that he behaves appropriately. "If the child only feels sent and punished, he will not comply with the limits," says Carmen Magro. What concerns us, therefore, as parents is to find the middle ground between vice and defect.
What's behind each of the warring parties
For Carmen Magro, the "Here I command" of one of our children is a form of rebellion of the child because he is not being treated as he deserves. In a way, what he wants to achieve is to get our attention. He wants us to listen to him, so we can not respond to his mandate with an "I can do more". At the other extreme, according to the psychologist, when the father says "I command" he is only attending to his need, but not to the child's.
That adult need to feel empowered comes from time to time, but not always. If we behave authoritatively at all times, what we are causing is that children have either low self-esteem or very aggressive. Once again, virtue lies at the midpoint.
Power struggles are not motivated by the school environment
Children spend many hours at school and the social environment they breathe is important. Therefore, to achieve balance in their behavior, the solution passes, according to Magro, for "finding a school that accompanies our way of educating". The expert points out that the basis of education is at home, although she recognizes that a joint work between parents and educators is necessary at all times. The family, he insists, has to follow the guidelines he receives from the teachers so that the educational process can be effective. In Spain we have a wide and varied educational offer to select only the ideal option.
Power struggles are reduced if parents and teachers work together
In case of conflict between our son and a partner, what we can not do in any way is to interfere. Sometimes, we should be content if our children suffer because if we give too much importance to their problems, although we should not detract from the importance that they have for them and make them see that they are insignificant, children can grow and tend to exaggerate. There is, therefore, no need to defend them in excess.
We have to dialogue with them and teach them to value. Carmen Magro makes it very clear: "we must know how to manage the suffering of children to prevent them from exaggerating, something that happens when they see that we pay too much attention to them.There is no need to overprotect children and there must be joint work between school and family. "
Elisa García
Advice: Carmen Magro, educational psychologist and director of the Park School in Galapagar (Madrid)
