The egocentric personality

The egocentric personality It arises as a response to a set of behaviors among which is usually the egoism, ambition and arrogance. Most psychologists agree that the origin of this trait can be in the family and correspond to people who have grown up in an environment made up of parents of little affection, who project on the child theirdesires for greatness.

Self-centered people often have a distorted image of themselves, little empathy, hypersensitivity to the evaluation of others, and difficulties in interpersonal relationships. When these features are mixed with the adolescent age there is something similar to a train crash that often derails in the family.

The egocentric personality in adolescents

When the adolescent thinks more of himself than of those around him, his primary attitude does not focus on: "I will see what I can learn from my parents, from this person, from this situation, from this teacher, from my friend , of my friend ", but his thought is derived in:" I will see how I am interested or not what my parents tell me, what I do not agree, sure that what my friend says is not right, something will be This is a criticism of incompetent teachers who have touched me ", that is, they adopt an initial attitude of interior criticism instead of reflection. It is the adolescent who always puts the self above all: I WANT, I DECIDE, I THINK.

The norms, the efforts demanded, the fulfillment of tasks break viscerally with that ombligism proper of these ages. The result: rebellion or depression, search for one's own biased self. As Teresa Artola says in her book Everyday situations of your teenagers(Editorial Palabra), "the adolescent oscillates between self-confidence and feelings of insecurity, insecurity that often masquerades as arrogance, insolence and even violence."

Situations where adolescents look at themselves

Ideas to help your teenager in these situations:

A) When nobody understands them. When your daughter or son says, shouting and crying to his parents: "You do not love me, I spent the afternoon helping my brother in his exam and you did not thank me, you do not take me into account". Maybe she's right, maybe she's not taken into account and she still thinks she's a girl, an adult apprentice. They need to feel loved because of their insecurity, we must remember their good things but never allow us to be disrespectful, without humiliating, without insulting, which is sometimes what we get, telling them that it is not a way of speaking to a father. Nobody can love those who do not respect. First you are his father and then his friend. By this way it is possible to finally achieve both.

B) When they always see the negative side in the comments of the parents. For example, the girl cuts her hair in her own way, the mother does not like it but leaves her free, but after the opinion of the mother who says "you are very modern, but I liked you more before," she replies: " You see, you never like what I do. " The expression must always be banished, just like the word never. The daughter in this case must understand that if she was free to cut her hair in her own way, the mother is free to say whether she likes it or not. This can be commented on in good manners, because yes, patience with a teenager can not be lacking, nor can the firmness. They usually reach the limit. On the other hand, I wonder: do we try to understand their fashions, their music, which is 2006 and not the 80s? You can not always have the shotgun loaded, surprise him with an answer that does not wait! Hesitan our complicity!

C) When you look too much in the mirror. The adolescent who spends half an hour of the clock in the morning in the bathroom without letting the others pass by or has to repeat that he has been on the telephone for over half an hour or an hour on the Internet. It should not be allowed, and neither should parents, here the example is fundamental. It is a question of solidarity, a word that they understand well.

D) When he continually wants to impose his point of view and he tells his parents or even his friends, that they are wrong. It's logical, he thinks he's older, and he's not, but he's not small either. What is it? Teach him patiently that he should read, be trained, not to make a fool of himself and start to develop his critical spirit. But he insists, without humiliating, without hurtful words that only produce lack of love, complexes, pain. Recall what Victor Frank tells us in his book, Man's Search for Meaning: "what made us suffer the most were the insults pig, useless .. not the blows". He who knows about adolescents knows a lot about understanding.

Tips to help teens with egocentric personality

1. Help him think about others. Do you think that your teenage son or daughter is going to his own, little interested in the hobbies, tastes and opinions of parents, siblings, friends and colleagues? Help him to notice the times he asks others how the day has gone, or how he listens attentively to what parents, brothers, teachers and friends say to him.

2. It takes advantage of its egocentrism. Ask for your opinion in decisions that are made in the family or even in the most superfluous things.

3. Fosters the friendly tone. Always wants to have the last word and refute the parents. You must distinguish between disrespect and desire to express your opinion. Humiliations or disrespect towards parents should never be allowed (it is corrected by depriving him, for example, of friendly conversations with you and that he knows how to ask for forgiveness.) And he must learn to give his opinion in a cordial, calm, not impertinent and respectful tone.

4. Invite him to volunteer. An effective way to get out of yourself and take others into account is to encourage you to carry out a specific, ongoing and committed activity of volunteering in a broad sense. It is as much a matter of giving support classes to marginalized children, regularly accompanying sick children or elderly people, as well as helping a fellow student in mathematics, for example, or another subject that is good for them.

Patricia Palacios

More information: Everyday situations of your teenagers, by Teresa Artola González.