Increase the presence of children in funeral homes

Many fathers, mothers and relatives wonder if the children should attend the funeral home or the funeral when someone in their family or one of their loved ones dies. Faced with this difficult situation, a change in trend is already being observed. The ASV Funeral Services Group - with more than 65 funeral parlors, 15 crematoriums and 200 wards distributed throughout the country - confirms that in the last year there has been an increase of 30 percent over the previous year, from the children's visit to the funeral homes.

In the opinion of experts in evolutionary psychology and in grieving processes, the participation of children in the farewell rituals of a loved one, whether member of their family or friend, is beneficial and warns that not doing so usually leads to negative consequences for the children themselves.


According to Sonia Carricondo, head of CSR of Grupo ASV Servicios Funerarios, "many times, children are the ones that are forgotten by adults both at the time of farewell and in the grieving process and as explained in our Guide" Support to Bereavement "It is important to take into account the child's wishes for participation, as this can make it easier to understand the death and the grieving process, and it makes them feel more integrated in the family".

Grief support guide for children

To help the little ones in their grieving process, a Grief Support Guide aimed at children. It is a coloring book illustrating the different emotions and feelings that are part of the grief in children: anger, incomprehension, sadness, fear, love / tenderness and, finally, acceptance. Each of these stages is expressed in the notebook with two drawings; one where it is illustrated and expresses that emotion and another, a mandala with a message through which it seeks to help children to manage their emotions.


"We have been inspired by the therapeutic value of coloring mandalas, considered a relaxation technique, since it is a playful-therapeutic task that allows us to improve our creativity and concentration, externalizing emotions," explains the head of Corporate Social Responsibility. "For example, in the emotion of sadness, the child is asked to paint slowly a mandala with a teardrop shape and in the case of rage, to paint the drawing with force", he adds.

Benefits of taking children to the funeral home and funeral

Among those who advocate taking children to the funeral home, most professionals from psychology, psychotherapy and education meet almost unanimously. They base their recommendations on the following postulates:

- Children are in contact with death much sooner than we think. Death begins to be part of your world long before the loss of a family member. This can facilitate the explanation of what happened.


- Children, like adults, need to go through rituals do the grieving process. Farewell rituals are the beginning of facing loss and mourning. Children also need them, with the proviso that they must be prepared for what they are going to live in a funeral home or at a funeral.

- Children can feel that they are set apart not only the acts of farewell of your loved one, but the bosom of the family, although the real reasons are others.

 

How to prepare children to attend the funeral

It must consist of 5 fundamental steps:

1. Give the news of the death to your child as soon as possible. Do not wait for him to find out about someone else.

2. Processing of the news. The child needs a time to assimilate and process what they have just said. Let her do what she wants: play, to forget what she has heard, draw to escape, talk, ask or cry. We must be available to talk with time and tranquility with our son / daughter.

3. Decision on attendance at the funeral home and / or at the funeral. It is convenient to let them decide if they want to attend or not, once we have explained everything they need to know to choose if they want to attend or not to the funeral home and / or funeral.

4. Attendance at farewell rituals.
- If our child has chosen to go: Some children will choose not to see the deceased, while others will want to see or leave an object (drawing or doll) as a sign of respect. In case you want to see the deceased, we must explain that he is not asleep, but that his body no longer worked well and now we are going to say goodbye.

It is convenient to choose a moment of intimacy in the funeral home to go with the children because although it does not affect them to see an adult cry, they can be assaulted by expressive pain signs such as screams and shrillness.

It is important to accompany the child at all times, answer their questions and be attentive when the time comes to leave.

- If our child has chosen not to go: It is advisable to respect his decision and to pay special attention so that no family member makes him feel bad for not wanting to attend the funeral home or the funeral.

Marisol Nuevo Espín

Video: Prelim. Autopsy Complete in Child Death


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