How to educate the average son
The medium son he may feel embarrassed, since he will not enjoy the prominence and importance that is given to the firstborn, nor of the apparent pampering that he thinks the little one receives. Occasionally, mediums are usually the most forgotten of the family. How to educate the sandwich child so that he feels just as loved?
Specialists say that the place a brother occupies can influence the development of certain features of his personality. But the position is not the only factor that marks the uniqueness of the person, since they influence other characteristics: the character of the child, the way of relating in a group, the cultural environment and fundamentally, the parenting form of the parents.
It is the parents who usually treat a child differently depending on whether the child is older, medium or small. For example, the firstborn is always told: "Teresa, help me, you are the oldest, you have to be the most responsible". On the other hand, this same indication is omitted many times with the second child, who must also have responsibilities.
The education of the middle child: the same values for all the brothers
Whether it is the eldest, the medium or the smallest, it is essential that our children, especially the middle one, learn that their brothers are not rivals, but very special companions, who are loved more than friends. It is also important that we bear in mind that each one must be treated personally, according to their characteristics and not because of the place they occupy. "Acting fairly does not mean working in the same way, but with the same values," says psychologist Mª Jesús Alava. Give each one what he needs, that's right.
On the other hand, the medium does not always have to be the most sacrificed, nor the most responsible. Each one must act with responsibility and sacrifice, not because of the place they occupy, but because we want to transmit the same values to them.
When the medium is of the same sex as the largest
A middle child can go unnoticed and receive less attention from their parents, especially when born of the same sex as the oldest. Being the second child or the second child, the parents, without realizing it, treat him with less prominence and the child can come to feel that they want him less. If to this circumstance is added a timid character of the second, a "normal" child, without anything apparently special, the parents can get used to a medium that does not give problems, "an ordinary child". It must be borne in mind that a child is a sandwich if he can not make his own space as an individual different from his brothers.
Thus, our median child can carry a series of risks if:
- It's the same sex as the older and does not have the surprise factor of being different.
- Goes to the same activities as the greatest (both to soccer, the two to ballet), and always the biggest one takes advantage of him.
- Feels less protagonist among an older brother he has all the rights and is treated like an adult, and the little brother, who enjoys more pampering from his parents and seems to enjoy all the privileges.
Symptoms of the bewilderment of the middle child: how to deal with them?
In this way, the middle child can grow up with the feeling that it is not important, that their parents spend less time, that they love him less, that he will never be equal to the older one, that things that he does not cause surprise because "the elder has done it before," and that they have "less grace" than the little or little one does.
The medium can be confused, since it will not enjoy the prominence and importance that is given to the firstborn, or the apparent mimes he thinks he receives the child. In this way, your middle child can trigger a series of symptoms of behavior and character, which must be detected in time, in order to raise their self-esteem and feel as important as their siblings:
- Reserved and introverted: if the medium does not find the support he needs from his parents, he will get used to keeping his problems, not communicating at home. You will think that the time of mom and dad is for the oldest or the smallest. We will think that he is a child who does not give problems. However, perhaps "the whole procession carries it inside". We must be vigilant when we observe that he does not count his things, to help him get out his problems.
- Look for help outside the home: next to the above symptom, it may happen that the medium seeks acceptance and assistance outside of his own family, if he does not find recognition in his parents. That will generate a state of distrust towards their parents.
- It is striking: that he does it in different ways, with pranks, getting bad grades, he becomes the permanent clown of the class, etc. Seeks attention, because it suffers from her at home.
- Problems of adaptation:It may happen that the medium has problems relating to his brothers when he does not find his own space at home, and his behavior will lead to envy and jealousy. This attitude, in turn, will transfer her to school, where she will also have problems relating to her classmates.
- He feels unable to compete: if he has an older brother full of successes and praises from his parents, and he does not receive the same attention, he will feel incapable of competing, of learning, of fighting for what he wants to be, that is, he will be postponed, with hardly any illusion to improve and get things. Faced with this symptom, we have to support him and see with him the skills and qualities he has.
Advisor: Mª Jesús Álava. Clinical Psychologist at the Álava-Reyes Psychology Center.