The 7 secrets of a lasting love
It's possible A love for life? Is that ideal that resides in the heart of women and men possible? If we stick to what the television series or the movies present us, the usual thing is one night or one season's ligues, the fear of compromise, the frivolity ... But we also have the experience that many get a lasting love. What is the secret?
Lasting love is possible and is the one that over the years continues to renew itself, but for this it is necessary to strive in the details to overcome the vicissitudes of a lifetime.
The seven secrets of a love for life
1. Always look for the second place
"Putting the other over oneself". Many of the couples who do not prosper do so because they do not live this principle. Selfishness does not work in a courtship or in a marriage. Often, couples are more selfish with each other than with their friends. They worry about being aware of the successes and events of their friends, looking for areas of common interest, and giving in to avoid breaking a friendship ... And yet, they do not put the same energy when it comes to the relationship with the other.
The best relationships are those in which the principle of "give instead of receiving" governs, where the couple place the needs, aspirations, hopes and dreams of their partner ahead of their own. If one of the two implements this principle with constancy, it is highly probable that the other responds reciprocally and spontaneously with the same love, affection, devotion and consideration.
2. Be generous in your flattery
At least once a day, look for something positive to say to your partner. You can always find something admirable and worthy of being praised. Think about these things, pay attention throughout the day. To ensure a love forever, you must be the "number one fan" of your partner.
Samuel Johnson wrote in the s. XVIII: "The applause of a single human being has great consequences in the life of a person". Some psychologists say that for the love of the couple to stay fresh, at least five comments or positive actions are required for each negative, to counteract its effect. Thus they recommend all compliments, smiles and possible expressions of tenderness, while warning against criticism, resentment and defensive attitudes.
So, flatter your partner for everything that is admirable in him / her. If he is honest, tell him how much you like him to be; if he is faithful, explain to him how wonderful it is to be able to always count on him / her; if you are dependent or insecure, tell him how good you feel being able to support him; And if you are very sure of yourself, you can express the security that virtue brings to you too.
3. In times of crisis, be one
Nothing unites more than remaining united in times of crisis. The psychologist Paul Pearsall, author of Laws of Lasting Love, describes how the strength of his wife, always at his side during the time he faced a terrible cancer, helped him overcome the fatalistic prognoses of his doctors. Pearsall tells how his wife grabbed him tightly and took him from one doctor to another until they found one who could save his life: "We were one, moving at the same time, hoping to find a doctor who would not confuse the doctor. diagnosis with a verdict, I could never have sought my cure by myself. "
4. Spend a lot of time together
It is a myth that happy couples have to lead independent lives, interests and activities. To write your book Lucky in Love"Psychologist Catherine Johnson interviewed married couples from all over the United States who were married between the ages of 7 and 55. More than half described their marriage as" very happy ".
Johnson realized that a characteristic common to all happy couples was that they spent a lot of time together, despite not sharing the same interests. In his opinion, the idea that "it is essential to maintain separate identities" is wrong. These couples knew how to find a "shared identity". Over time, they had stopped feeling "individuals" and felt "married", united in the depths of their hearts. If this process is not given, the couple will have problems.
5. Always believe the best, and not the worst, of him or her
Surely we will have heard the famous passage of Saint Paul that ends with the phrase: "Love excites everything, believes everything, waits for everything, supports everything". These are the guidelines to always believe in the best of the other.
Unfortunately, many couples deprive their relationship of all joy, hope and love, simply because they forget the positive aspects of their partner and see only the negative. And this has terrible consequences. The writer John Powell rightly states: "It is attitudes that make the same experience pleasant or painful."In a couple's relationship it also happens like this: it is necessary to maintain a positive attitude, educating the eyes and the mind to find the positive that even the least pleasant trait has.
6. Express your love frequently and creatively
"Hi, baby, I'm just writing this little note so you know how much I love you and miss you. Hurry up!"
This person smiles every time he reads that folded piece of paper that he has kept for months in his purse. During her few years of marriage, she has been forced to travel a lot for her work. When she arrives at a hotel, she feels lonely and discouraged. But her husband knows and has managed to soften those feelings by showing him his love in a thousand different ways. She smiles and lights up her expression when she recalls her amusing details: letters hidden in her suitcase, postcards, poetry, gifts, pictures and even cookies, her favorite chocolate or some candy ... "I feel at home when I discover its details: everything reminds me of how much he loves me, and helps me to keep going despite being sorely missed. "
Think also in what special and unexpected way you can surprise your partner, reminding him that it is the most important thing in your life.
7. Make your relationship your priority
Psychologist Judith Wallerstein, in a study on 50 happy marriages, notes that all of them declared that building a strong and lasting marriage had been the most important commitment of their entire adult life. It is a great advice to ensure a love for life.
Decalogue of happy couple
1. Never be angry at the same time.
2. Never yell at you, unless everything is on fire.
3. If one of the two must win an argument, let it be the other.
4. If you have to criticize, do it with love and delicacy.
5. Never mention past mistakes.
6. Forget the whole world before your partner.
7. At least once a day, make a kind comment or have a gesture of love.
8. When you have made a mistake, admit it and ask for forgiveness. If you make a mistake, forgive him.
9. Two are needed for a fight, and whoever is not right is usually the one who speaks the most.
10. Do not pay attention to the "think bad and you will be right" but the "think well and you will win".
Good advice for couples who fight
Do not wait the next day to make peace after an argument: this is a golden rule that can be very helpful. Turning the head around makes the confrontation go on; Taking the step of asking for forgiveness causes it to be solved.
* Adaptation of the work of the same title by Victor M. Parachin, freelance writer from Southern California, USA (published in Catholic Twin Circle, 1996).