The psychological abuse in the couple

The psychological abuse in the couple It is a type of violence with very serious and dangerous implications, which usually goes unnoticed, even for the abused, who feels guilty, devalued, etc. The psychological abuse it constitutes a silent and invisible type of violence that little by little is psychologically undermining the victim until turning her into a puppet in the hands of her aggressor.

The psychological abuse in the couple is a more common reality than we can think, since it does not show up. It is a continuous and constant attack, a mute and deaf reality, that little by little destroys the psychological integrity of the victim.


Through a careful and meticulous pattern, the abuser creates emotional chains with which he ties the victim, through devaluation, attack, guilt, etc.

The psychological abuse in the couple

Psychological abuse is a type of violence, which can show different manifestations (verbal, economic, attitudinal, behavioral, social, etc ...), which one member of the couple exercises over the other, based on love or affection that the other has him.

The psychological abuse gradually creates an emotional chain with which the victim is imprisoned from which it is difficult to escape. The victim is usually emotionally annulled, and I do not know the true harshness of the situation.


How is the psychological abuse manifested in the couple?

Psychological abuse often goes unnoticed and is often more difficult to recognize than physical abuse. The emotional aggression attacks the victim's ego and creates an annulment and confusion that makes him not realize and not identify the abuse. Some of the manifestations of psychological abuse are the following:

1. Create an apparent economic dependence. The abuser usually makes the victim, or at least he believes, who depends economically on him / her. With which he is already creating a position of power in front of the victim.

2. Devaluation of the victim, For this, they resort to ridicule, ridicule of their attributes, thoughts, opinions, etc. In a continuous and constant attack that tends to undermine self-esteem.

3. Social control. Normally, the abuser controls in some way the social world of the victim, his exits, friendships, relationships, etc. In this social world, the aggressor becomes the center.


4. Development of extreme dependence on the part of the victim.

Consequences of psychological abuse in the couple

The psychological abuse in the couple has serious consequences and psychological repercussions for the victim.

- The relationship is unbalanced, the abuser increases his power little by little and reaffirms it as the victim loses it. In this way, the victim becomes an object that belongs to the abuser and depends completely on it.

- Serious psychological repercussions: low self-esteem, chronic stress, anxiety, despair, sometimes situations of addiction to drugs or substances are generated.

- Social isolation and dependency absolute of the aggressor.

The aggressor and the victim in psychological abuse

In all abuse situations there are two figures: the victim and the aggressor. Both enter into a type of relationship with unique nuances. The profiles of the victim (battered woman) and the aggressor are very marked. Let's see the characteristics of each of the profiles:

Profile of the aggressor:

- Person with low self-esteem that needs to lower the self-esteem of the one next to him to increase his.

- Highly controlling person, you need to control others to get security.

- Little or no empathy.

- Little ability to understand and manage their own emotions.

- Low tolerance to frustration.

Profile of the victim:

- Insecure and dependent person.

- Low self-esteem He receives a light feeding when he receives approval from others, constantly needs the approval of the aggressor and enters a very dangerous loop.

- They are usually submissive people that feel inferior to others.

- They are highly dependent.

- Excessively tolerant.

- They need to feel protected for others.

- They usually have problems setting limits and say no.

How to act in the face of abuse

1. When you doubt if it's your fault, if you deserve it, consult with other people, they will help you to see it from outside.

2. Do not feel guilty, you do not question.

3. Learn to set limits and say no.

4. Break all contact with the aggressor, It will not change and a person who annuls you does not suit you.

5. Report the situation.

6. Seek the support of a specialist.

7. Develop strategies to overcome emotional dependence and improve your self-esteem.

Celia Rodríguez Ruiz. Clinical health psychologist.Specialist in pedagogy and child and youth psychology. Director of Educa and Learn. Author of the collection Stimulate Reading and Writing Processes.

Video: Emotional Abuse || Couples Counseling: Yay or Nay? || a Former, 30-year abuser speaks out


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