How to explain death to a child

There are certain issues that are difficult to explain to children, and one of them is death. How do we tell them that this beloved person will never come back, that he will never hug him again or buy worms? It's a subject that hurts our elders, and that we must know how to explain to the smallest of the house, we tell you how.

To learn how to talk about these issues with children, we went to the psychologist Silvia Álava Sordo, director of the children's area at the Álava Reyes Psychology Center and author of the book 'Queremos hijos felices'. She offers parents Tips on how we can explain the loss of a loved one to children.


How to explain the loss of a loved one

"In the case that children have to face death early it is very important assess what we are saying, " explains this expert whose first advice is clear: to children You can not lie to them. "The first thing we have to do is tell them what has happened," he clarifies; a point where all the experts stand out: you can never lie to them, no matter how much you want to save them suffering.

The phrase can be painful, but it is important to be frank: "the grandfather has died, he is no longer with us". At this point, he assures us that it is essential that we insist on the idea of ​​"no return", since it is something that is difficult for them to understand. "We have to explain to them that we are very sorry, but that they will not see him again", points out the psychologist, who warns that to tell them another kind of ideas like that the grandfather (to give an example) "is in heaven" but without explaining to them that they will not see him again he makes them wonder when he will return.


"Yes we can use the 'is in heaven' or 'is in a better place', but without stopping telling them that part of 'you will not see him againR '", he insists, and it is true that it is difficult and hard to say this kind of sentences to children, and on many occasions we try to avoid them, but this is worse in the long run.

The attitude of adults in death

Another fundamental aspect when we explain death to children is the attitude of the reference adults for the child. "What we have to say to the child is that we are all sad and that he too can be sad", says Álava, who adds that we can cry and, in fact," it is important that we give the child that license to cry and to externalize their feelings, that's good ".

"If we want to face the duel well, the first phase is to express it, and of course we can cry", reiterates the expert, who encourages let the child cry the first days and, once passed, explain and tell him that, although we have all the right to be sad, "what we can not do is stop doing other things that we used to do", like going to school or doing homework. "What we want is for them to assume that the situation is acquiring a normal tinge"he concludes.


Ways to explain the death of a loved one

- Comparison. You can compare what has happened with other deaths from day to day. For example, a seed of a tree that finally goes out.

- Do not dramatize. Although it is important to externalize feelings, we must not dramatize so as not to inculcate fear of death.

- Talk to him someone dear, that he already had a good communicative relationship with the little one.

- If the death is after an illness, this can help us explain death in a more gentle way: we are saying that the person is sick, that he may die. Thus, when the inevitable moment arrives, the child will be somewhat more prepared and will have been able to dismiss.

- Explain calmly so as not to aggravate the feeling of pain

- Let the child express his emotions so that parents help him to channel it. Sometimes children may feel guilty for someone's death, so it is good for the child to express it in order to help them.

Angela R. Bonachera

Video: Talking to your Kids about Disasters, Death, Dying and Tragic News


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