3 ways to get rid of a bullying child
Your child is developing his personality and abuse by a partner can mark him for life. To put an end to this situation of abuse foster your child's autonomy and teach him how to stop the abuser's feet without falling into violence. This way of helping is shared by both parents like the teachers.
3 ways to help a child victim of a bully
We propose you, by order of action, three ways to help your child if you suffer some form of abuse of a bully.
1º Face it, without facing it. Tell him what he thinks.
2º Isolate the problem by leaning on other friends.
3º Tell a greater. Ask for help that is different than being a sneak.
1º Teach him to say what he thinks is to face it, which is different from facing him
Is it normal for your child to say "yes" when he or she wants to say "no"? There are many people who never become themselves, they live at the mercy of their fears, their complexes, the whims of others and what they will say. Maybe your child is afraid to say "no" or to face the bully, without the need to hit or insult him. It is probable that he is afraid that the bully will hit him, blackmail him, or make him empty with his companions. But for that, you must give him security and self-confidence. There are a series of techniques to "know how to say" no ":
- Simply say "no", even if your voice trembles. You'll see how good your son stays. The bully will be surprised.
- Put some excuse: "It is impossible for me to bring you money, I'm sorry but I can not". "I can not give you the snack, if you want tomorrow I bring you something from home, but after you ask your mother."
- To take long to diminish importance and that the bully gets tired: "Let me think about it, maybe another time".
- Repeat many times the same response as a scratched record, but without cockiness: "I would like it, but *", "No, I would love it, but ..."
- If it is that they mess with him because he wears glasses, he is short, chubby etc. We will then have reinforce the self-esteem of our son with his positive things and to face the bully by saying: "if I'm short, and what, but very flexible"; "If I'm chubby, and what, but stronger." Surely the bully also has some defect, because we all have them. We are all different in something, and if your son is too short, he will have other virtues that make him "great".
If you see that your child is too afraid and thinks he can not cope, you can rehearse it at home. Make a drill. The mother or father becomes the bully and the child practices different ways to say no. In this way, you will gain more confidence. It is essential to learn this strategy of knowing how to say "no", in the face of adolescence in which they will have to face drugs, alcohol and sex. Do not forget: you must learn the use of this word now in these ages, even if you are very shy, although you are very afraid. You must try, you will get it.
2º Isolate the problem and look for positive solutions
There is a lot of difference between being chicken or coward and being alert, isolating the problem, moving away from a conflict and seeking constructive solutions.
The coward is the one who acclimates, submerges in his world incapacitated to get out of it, does not tell anything to his parents, and finally acquiesces in blackmail. Thus, little by little, his self-esteem goes off and he will suffer a real ordeal.
Instead, we must Help our son to find intelligent solutions, isolating the problem and turning it around.
Examples: your daughter is suffering because, in her group of friends, the "ringleader" corners her in games, messes with her, ridicules her, etc. The rest of the group does not dare to defend it either. Your daughter at some point, has confronted her by telling her that what she does is wrong, but the abuse continues. In this case, we must encourage our daughter to comment to her other friends in the group, without revenge, what is happening, to seek support in the others. In addition, these others we will invite from time to time to home, to strengthen the friendship and that among these, are able to "face" the ringleader who is a bully. They will think of other games etc. In this way, the leadership of the abusona, will be weakened. Other times, we should encourage our daughter to change friendships, not drastically, but little by little.
Men, usually tend to be more aggressive, sometimes reaching physical violence or dangerous "jokes", for example, put your head down the toilet. Whenever there is a physical aggression, you have to report it and discuss it with the parents and guardian.
3º Saying it to a grown-up or asking for help is not telling
If what we have done so far does not work, it is time to tell an adult what is happening and ask for help.At this point it is difficult to explain to a child that talking about it is not telling.
Sneak up is for example, tell the teacher that your partner has thrown a piece of paper on the floor, or that he has arrived late for class because he stayed longer in the yard. This is sneaking up, messing up another.
Tell what happens to an adult It is just the opposite. It is getting rid of a problem, suffering and ridding others. Also, we will be helping that bully, who will also have his problems. This topic is more transcendent than it seems, if we think of another type of abuse with children.
It is essential that the child can always tell what is happening. Although they have threatened him with the life of his mother. As has unfortunately happened on occasions.
Also, we have to Encourage our son to be the one to ask for help. Sometimes, we must also intervene parents, but always mediating with the tutor.
To prevent my child from becoming a victim, think about:
You are a father, mother or teacher:
1. Inflexible. Inapelable.
3. Full of fears
4. That corrects with ridicule, irony and sarcasm. (Viktor Frankl in "The Man in Search of Meaning" commented: "We hurt much more insults like pig, useless, humiliations * than kicks")
5. Teachers who humiliate.
6. Children who are not related during the first six, seven years of life. It produces a subsequent fear that it will not fall well.
7. Overprotection (Example, mother who takes her son with long socks, because of the cold, when everyone is wearing short socks)
8. Child who does not participate in class. This is an alarm point. You have to encourage and reward him when he does participate, to reinforce this behavior.
9. When parents have clear preferences for one of their children.
10. Children who go with adults because they do not have other friends, for example, in summer. Older people who approach the "dwarfs" to laugh at them ... beware!
Maite Mijancos. Director of the IEEE