The mimes in children: mimes yes, pampering not
Expressions of affection are a vital need for him, on which his affective development will depend in part. However, parents should avoid getting used to seeing all their requests and demands met, because we will only get the child to be quiet for a while, but we will not do him any good.
Who has not repeated a thousand times the phrase "My mom pampers me" when I learned to read? From the first days it is important that we give a lot of love, kisses and hugs to our children, but without becoming weak parents who make the little ones in the house some spoiled children.
Pampering and consenting is not wanting good, because it is rude, preventing the child from learning to accept the setbacks of life. Pampering is hindering their learning when it comes to making sense of stumbles. To spoil a child is, in short, to put obstacles to his happiness.
Mimes yes, pampering not: the art of offering pampering to children
But watch out! That one thing is pampering and another thing is pampering. What does a child really need?
Pampering and spoiling a child is rude, but giving him pampering is simply responding to his need to feel loved.
Whether he is two months old or has already passed his first year of life, the child needs his parents to hug him, caress him and kiss him often. Expressions of affection are a vital need for him, which depends in part on his affective and psychological development ... and has nothing to do with the fact of pampering and spoiling him.
Accept the noes from small
It does not hurt that one Sunday we buy the child some sweets or that on his birthday he receives as a gift the toy that he likes the most, because not pampering him does not mean killing his illusions. But parents should avoid getting used to seeing all their requests and demands satisfied, because we will only get the child to be quiet for a while, but we will not do him any good.
Our son's happiness will not be bought with a toy cabinet or a bag of sweets, but with love and using our authority over him to guide him, teach him to value things and trust our criteria.
With affection the puchero will end up forgetting that it must end in tears and it will get used to accepting from tiny the "noes". He will probably have a tantrum, cry and kick if you do not give him what he wants, but if you hug him, comfort him and accompany him to play with something he has ... rest assured that you are doing well.
The effort to deny them their whims
Avoid not spoiling children from their first months of life is to begin to educate them from sobriety. The simple detail of teaching him to respect the meal schedule when it still depends on the bottle, or to insist on him falling asleep without being held in his arms, is already a first and important step in this task.
Then, when you begin to understand our language and ask for your little mouth ... we will still have to try our best to not spend a few euros each day on the palote that you like so much. To educate it is necessary to demand; Although Protestants and ourselves find it more difficult to say "no" than yield, we must be clear that educating in sobriety is not tyrannizing, but teaching to value things, enjoy what you have and take care of it.
Although it costs us, we can not allow them to end up being capricious unhappies. Perhaps it is preferable for our son to hesitate when writing in his Rubio Notebooks about "My mom pampers me" and write instead "My mom does not spoil me, but she pampers me". More difficult still, no doubt, but more profitable for him.
Tips for giving pampering without spoiling children
- Do not deny things in a bad way, because then he will not attend to any reason, although at two years old he is old enough for it.
- Do not wait until you get used to asking to tell him that you can not please him. It is better if you want to "pocholate" (chocolate) you explain that "Mom has bought chocolate for Sunday, if today you take all the dinner, on Sunday I will give you a big piece".
- Do not say one day to everything that yes and the other day to everything that does not. Alternating the "noes" and the "yeses" coherently and always explaining the reasons according to their age.
- When you access some quirk -there are no parents who get rid of it- take advantage of your "weakness" to remind you with that trinket that made you very happy to see that today he did not protest when he went to school.
- If there are several brothers you will have to be very fair in the subject of the whims. Not because you are the child of the house you must grant everything you ask, while with the rest you are more strict.
- Ensure that fatigue does not triumph over "resistance" to the whims of the child and that his mischief does not either.Before deciding if you give him the candy that he has craved, get used to asking him if he has already asked for it to dad or mom, to prevent him from getting used to playing two bands.
Natalia Hurtado. Professor of the Santa María la Blanca School
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