Beat perfectionism: 7 solutions for perfectionists

The perfect person does not exist. Being convinced of this fact is the first step in changing the situation of perfectionists, followed by trying to be perfectionist or to seek perfection does not cause more than the opposite effect to the desired one, since others, instead of admiring you, will begin to avoid you.

Traits characteristic of perfectionists

Some behavioral traits that betray the perfectionist are:

- He has a very marked sense of justice.
- He spends a lot of time on his own tasks how he wants them to be made, even at the cost of sleep, rest or other appetizing plans.
- From the outset, prefers what was planned and scheduled.
- It's very analytical, do not see another way of thinking, before the desperation of those who work, treat or talk to him.
- He has a great demand with himself and with others.
- Delegate, but it costs do not review the delegate * it may be distrust.
- Usually anticipates anger, mental polemics, which then do not usually occur so violently.
- Has fixed and reiterative ideas.
- It is markedly subjectivist towards his own point of view.
- It has a tendency to highlight more negative and what is pending to do what is positive or what has already been done, both in his personal tasks and those of others.
- He has a hard time getting rid of things (papers, objects, etc.), in case they prove useful in the future.

The perfectionists, do they have a solution?

Fortunately, perfectionism can be solved. The most striking cases probably need professional help, but clinical practice also offers some advice that, without pretending to be pragmatic, can be useful when considering fields of cognitive-behavioral struggle against the pursuit of perfection. They are divided into thematic blocks:

1. The important thing is that you are happy, not that things go perfectly or according to the regulations.

2. Live the present moment as if there were no other.
- Do not be with the imagination put in the next thing that you are going to do.
- Before the invasive ideas: write down what happens to you and think about it later.
- Everything you do, try to make it enjoyable.
- When you make a decision, discard what is necessary to carry out that purpose.
- Order, cleanliness, punctuality ... are means and not ends in themselves.

3. Propose to do something not well at all, less well done, by the way, and once a day.
- Skip punctuality once.
- When you see what you have to do, prioritize, establish an order and forget about what you can not reach.
- Leave some time without specifying, intentionally, some of your planned plans, play at risk enjoying.
- Leave gaps in your schedule, not to go all day against the clock.

4. When you rate something, keep in mind the intermediate values.
- Things and deeds do not have an absolute value.
- We must bear in mind that certain people, circumstances ... influence the importance that an event may have.
- Try to put yourself in the place of the other when you are judging.
- The failures of others, like yours, are not as important as you think.
- Do not use only zero or ten, the rest of qualifications are also valid.

5. Be yourself.
- Vouchers more what you are than the opinion that others have about you.
- The opinion of others deserves consideration, but it is not necessary to admit it without more. Keep it in mind but filter its value.
- Do not be too dependent on the opinion of others.

6. You are important to others.
- Dedicate time to your friends without pretending to do something concrete. Learn to be.
- Hold conversations in which different points of view can be given and do not impose your opinion.
- Show your feelings and be more expressive in the deal.

7. Others are important to you.
- Delegate responsibilities to others and trust that they will do well.
- Let others act according to their criteria, their way of doing things can be as valid as yours.
- Do not direct life or the behavior of others with impositions, you will only create frustration.

Changes that a perfectionist needs

- Do not be afraid to leave aside everything that is not expendable to carry out an objective that you have in mind. Once you make the decision that you consider appropriate, do not stop to think if it is right or not.

- Do not get overwhelmed if you do not have plans to do with your friends. You can stay with them just to talk at home. Take advantage of these moments to listen, assess your opinions and show your concerns.

- Learn to admit that you can not always be right, and that the opinions or actions of others have much to contribute to you; It is not necessary to always tell them what they have to do.

- Facing your tendency to provisionality: Commit yourself without fear in important matters and make decisions within a reasonable time, marking yourself the deadline.

- It will be necessary to make an effort to select what is really necessary of what is not, and recognize that in most cases it is not possible to do everything one would want, precisely because time is limited.

Teresa Pereda
Advisors: Doctor Manuel Álvarez and Domingo García-Villamisar, psychologist. Book authors The perfectionist syndrome.