The male way of educating
Parental and maternal education styles are present in terms of preponderance in both mother and father and, he says, Osvaldo Poli in his book Corazón de padre. The masculine way of educating, "many mothers recognize themselves in the masculine way of educating more than in the feminine one".
Among the male educational behaviors that contribute positively to the development and personal growth of children, the following stand out.
Keys of parental educational style
1. The father is more direct and frank. In the dialogue with the children, the father calls things by his name, is more direct and sober, and therefore, able to get to the heart of the matter first. The strongest and most direct language of the father indicates a capacity for judgment that is probably more realistic. The educational idea of parents is that there is no psychological growth or maturation without facing the truth.
Example. While the mother says "My son does not make much effort in school," the father says: "Let's also say that he does not care about studying."
2. The father helps, but he does not do things for the children. In short, they are less afraid to say: fix them !, and have less scruples to request that their children be prepared and put into practice their ability to undertake new projects. The educational good of the children also requires knowing how to refuse to help them to do things by themselves and that they feel capable. And it is for parents it is more important that their children make an effort. The father principle consists in educating the children so that they overcome difficult conditions.
Example. A child asks: "How does this word translate into English?" The imperious tone makes presume that the mother will give the translation, but she is not at home and only finds her father who says: "look it up in the dictionary that you have in front of you".
The answer is not necessarily impolite, but invites you to make the small effort to find it.
3. The father is less willing to lower obstacles to his children, that is, his idea of education is not to make life easier for his children, but to train them to make them strong.
Example. "I have 30 pages to study for the exam tomorrow." "While I finish ironing, you start studying and then I help you to make a summary," says the mother. The instinctive response of the father would have been: "you knew for a week that you had this test, you only had to study a few pages each day, as we had repeated, so you do not have water in your neck now."
4. The father is less afraid of demanding reciprocity. Faced with the desires of the children, the female code tends to cancel and the male to demand reciprocity.
Example. A mother says: "I have seen this movie with my son many times". The father is not usually very willing to watch cartoons for 10 consecutive years because the children like them so much.
5. The father is less afraid to ask the children respect for their demands. The fate of parents who always put what their children want is to end up squeezed like a lemon, because deep down they believe that their children treat them badly. Only the stimulus for an "intelligent resignation" makes the son able to live in the real world and to live human relations in a reciprocal way.
The father hopes that his son knows how to understand and ask for what he needs. Parents do not usually anticipate wearing a sweater on their arm in case the child is as cold as a mother would always think about how her child will be like an appendage of her.
Example. "Come and put on the sweater that is cold," says the farsighted mother who has taken one from home, while her son runs away and begins a difficult negotiation for him to wear it. The father will ask: "Are you cold?" His proposal is to make the child aware of his own needs and to accept the effort of understanding and expressing his needs. He is interested in having his son think instead of thinking for him.
6. The father helps to assume responsibilities. Telling a child of his mistakes and helping him bear the burden of his responsibility is the greatest difficulty for any educator. The father's code does not seek to protect the child from guilt, but helps him recognize it and carry it with dignity.
Example. "My classmates treat me badly," laments a son. "I'm very sorry, son, but you also have to admit that you've taken them for a ride," the father replies.
Only the recognition of reality allows solving the problem.
7. The father wants him to adapt to the circumstances. In essence, the father trains the son to accept life with its lights and shadows, with its beautiful aspects and also with the less rewarding ones; as it is, even if it is not perfect.
Example. "What is this? Menestra?" The mother says tired: "Eat it, it's very good, you tried it at Grandma's house and you liked it.Try, even a little, before saying you do not like it. "
The father could have said: "Eat it that stays cold." "I do not want to," says the son. "Then when you are hungry you will eat."
No father or mother is characterized by these behaviors in their pure state, but there is a psychological propensity of parents to ask their children to adapt to the circumstances and mothers to adapt to their children.
8. The father easily admits the defects of his children. The father's reading of the behavior of his children is to accept with ease the presence of his negative characteristics, of that "heart of darkness" from which nobody is completely free. The various psychological mechanisms make parents more capable of renouncing the desired child, that is, the child they would have liked and not the one who has touched them, and seeing the real child, as it really is.
Example. A 15-year-old boy relates that "when my mother talks about me, she tries to make sure the rest do not see my shortcomings." When she congratulates me on something that is important to her, it is as if she told herself that she has managed to have a child Well, if my father congratulates me, it's because he has a real reason to do it. "
9. The father places the children in front of reality. The ability to place children in front of reality synthesizes the idea of parental educational style. Putting a child in front of reality means exposing him to the pain of guilt and disillusionment with himself, but always protecting him, also from the truth about himself, will not make him a better person.
Example. An 11-year-old boy invites many friends from his class to play one afternoon at home. Little by little, everyone declines the invitation saying that their mother can not take them. His mother states that, for the first time, he intervened from a male point of view. Instead of telling your child, "do not worry, I can go and look for you," he said. "If you want me to be honest, I think your classmates are avoiding you because you're teasing them, as the teachers have told me. You do ... If you want to have real friends, you have to respect them. "
More information in the book: Father's heart, of Osvaldo Poli.
If you want to read the first chapter, press here.
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