Tricks to talk to your teenagers

Talking with our children is an inescapable task. Every day we are presented with countless occasions to do so. There are many things we must say, from "Up, you're late to class!", To "Do not go to bed late", going through "Pick up your room" or "Study". But it is clear that this is not talking to them.

That's life, sometimes you have to talk to them and sometimes talk to them. With these tricks to talk to your teenagers from the respect, it will be easier.

Reach the heart with good words

It is tiring to try at every moment to measure the words so as not to hurt the sensitivity of the listener. Nor can we stop saying to our adolescent children, regardless of their age, what we as parents consider they should hear. Therefore, it is important that we stop and reflect cold. In the heat of daily battle our ability to choose the right words is greatly diminished. It can help us to have in the bedroom some positive alternatives for those moments in which our voice has to sound firm and at the same time reach the heart of to whom the words are addressed.

Phrases that teenagers do not want to hear

What phrases that we say most parents bother our children the most? It is clear that we all know them, and that deep down we think we do not say them, we do not, of course. We do not want to say them, because we promised ourselves that we would never say those things that gave us so much anger that our parents told us. And here we are, with our teenager's report card full of suspense in hand and saying ...

"I ALREADY TOLD YOU": they are, by far, the words that most 'flutter' an adolescent heard from the lips of one of their parents. This phrase has some variants, such as "It was coming ... it was clear ... if you would pay more attention to me ...". Before hearing them, it is possible that thoughts are already going through the child's head like "Of course, they know everything ..., They will believe that they wanted to suspend ..., We are already there, the old roll ... Hold on, champion, in a while it's over. "

"BECAUSE IF": "Because I say it, because you're in my house ..."To which they internally are answered" because you have no idea *, you do not know what to say to me *, it is unjust ..., this in my house will not happen. "And there are many other occasions in which they are no longer words that stand between our children and us It is not strange that we have ever heard, or we will hear: "Everything you say to me angry", "It seems that everything is wrong." And it may be true that our way of directing ourselves to them is already mediated by our thought that it does not matter if we say it a thousand times, if they have ignored the other five hundred thousand, why would they do it now? We do not address ourselves to them with the weary attitude of those who are tired of saying the same thing always, we have the authority that gives us our task as fathers and mothers, we do not need to impose ourselves authoritatively.

At this point, our children are well aware of the rules of our family and the consequences of non-compliance. And we know that they are learning to live. Let's not say the usual things. Let's be creative If we can not be in the content (the schedule must be fulfilled, the order in the room is essential, the hours of arrival must be respected, the voice is not raised, the table is eaten with everyone, the smartphone is not used after 12 o'clock at night ..), let's be creative in attitude. Let's renew our illusion every day. Each child has his moment.

Tips to think before talking with teenagers

1. To know how to speak you have to know how to listen. Let's listen sincerely to our children. In many cases an authentic active listening on our part will get them to give themselves the answers or the reasons they need to rectify or improve their behavior.
Each of our children must reach the personal conviction that leads him to choose the good. They can not act because of our authoritarianism. It is necessary for your personal development and for an authentic relationship between them and us.

2. Nobody is motivated to repeatedly hear the same speech. If we hear the same speaker three times, or this is exceptional, or disconnect as soon as we hear the title of the conference for the third time, we do not read the same novel continuously, without truce, however much we like it. Why do we then expect our teenage son to listen carefully to us day after day, if we always say the same thing?

3. There are phrases that in themselves denote a certain contempt towards the person to whom we address it. A "I told you so", even if it is said with the best of intentions, is placing us arrogantly above and that attitude does nothing but put barriers to communication with a teenage son.

Mª Jesús Sancho