Adolescents, how to treat them when they become adults
There are many young Spaniards between 20 and 30 who still continue to depend on their parents. Among those who manage to finish their studies, find a job or settle their new professional life, the family home will continue to protect them as always. But the situation is no longer the same.
And this generation of young people has to face endless careers and strong job competition in a present in which job offers do not proliferate precisely. Therefore, many parents consider what to do with their children teenagers, how to treat them when they become adults.
When some subjects become black holes, or when that curriculum so conscientiously elaborated fails to convince, there is a feeling of frustration between them. Not only do they not let them fly, but they must still depend on everything - housing, leisure ... - from their parents' pocket during a good season.
If this attitude is not countered inside the home and, on the contrary, there is even more pressure for those exams that you do not approve or because you do not get a job ... the situation can end up seriously affecting coexistence and family communication.
Adolescents at home: from adult to adult
In these circumstances, parents should keep in mind that our child is no longer an immature young man, but an adult. It would be absurd, as well as counterproductive, to pressure a 25-year-old boy to study an exam. The proper thing, given his age, is not to give him slogans, but to talk face to face, on an adult level, so that he is aware of what is expected of him.
Just as we will try to show him that he does not lack the support of his family while he needs it, and that the doors of the house will always be open to him, we can not hide from him that this situation can not be eternal, and that he has to put all of his part to conclude.
It is essential that both he and we consider the situation as a passenger, but also as a valuable opportunity to learn to live in tolerance and respect between two generations of adults.
While things take the right course, however, it will be very positive that we consider a series of points in which we must vary the treatment within the home with the adult child.
Talk and talk with teenagers
In a family where the channels of communication between parents and children have always been taken care of, it will be easy to maintain this flow. In any case, there are points that parents should take care of more carefully or from a new perspective, such as respect for privacy, freedom, different treatment, delegate, money ...
Little by little, we parents will have to get used to looking for moments in which to be alone with our eldest son, to talk to him about his things, his projects, his aspirations ... Opening the ears to a child who is already an adult can cause more of a shock and some pain, but it is always preferable, at least, to know what is going on in your life.
However hard it may be, at this moment we will have to admit, whatever the vision that our son has of life, his ideas, etc. Maybe they are not the ones we try to inculcate, but now we can only respect them, like an adult who is, although we can always talk with him in depth to analyze what has led him to think that way and see how we can help him, if that is the case.
In any case, we can demand that, in front of his brothers, omit appreciations contrary to the education they wish to give these. You must accept that the education of minor children is a priority objective in the home.
Another way to respect their privacy will be the treatment that is given, inviting him to tell his things and what he does outside the home, but without ever demanding explanations that, as is logical, are very uncomfortable when they are forced. Falling into this common mistake can lead to the child lying or confronting his parents, denying all information.
Conversations without taboos with adolescent children
Achieving a climate of trust in which you can turn everything that bubbles in your head can be tremendously complicated at times, especially because you have to find a way to talk about certain topics, such as those oppositions that do not "come out", unemployment. .. that prevent him from being autonomous.
Taboos at home are not good, because they prevent locating problems, they just hide them and end up aggravating them.
In order for communication to bear fruit, it will be as important to listen to it carefully as to know how to see why it believes that this or that is not doing well or that it is wrong.
If he feels heard and respected, he will reflect on the reasons given by his parents. If they see us as disinterested, or that we still consider them to be a child, they are likely to give up treating us and acting as if they were living in a boarding house.
Teresa Pereda
