Five toxic attitudes in the couple
When we are in pairs and we have to face a misunderstanding, we think badly or in the worst of the situation instead of going to the point and settle the matter.Fear, insecurity or excessive prudence limit and restrict us at the time of expressing our feelings. Therefore, before talking about the problem, we give it a thousand laps and end with a long list of conjectures about the situation.
The European school TISOC Coaching has recently published an analysis on how relationships can be damaged and even fail by the speculations of its members. The lack of communication is the real Achilles' heel of couples, Explain Pedro Palao Pons, coach Staff and Communication Expert YISOC Coaching.
We observed an unusual behavior in our partner and instead of asking him at that moment, we opted for silence and our brain starts to work. It is best to address the situation directly. Ask our partner if something happens or something is bothering you Solves 90 percent of the problems even before they come to occur.
In the study a series of conjectures are collected to avoid dangerously damaging the couple. "To reconcile ourselves speculating on things that we simply do not know is a strenuous task that, in addition to not reporting any benefit, takes us away from our partner"
Five conjectures that hurt the couple
1. Something happens to my partner
Since a few days ago we found it strange and elusive, what will happen to it? Is it because of me? Instead of generating conjectures that lead nowhere but suffering, change the questions and tell him directly what worries you. Maybe you do not like the answer, but from the moment you hear it you will not have to invent answers, just face reality.
2. What if ...?
Lack of confidence or shyness sometimes limit our way of acting in the couple, and that's where the following unanswered questions begin to flutter: what if you do not like it? What if he gets upset? What if he gets angry? What if...? Just the evidence and the action will give answers to these speculations.
3. He's going to tell me ...
When we are in pairs we have nothing to envy the fortune tellers and is that sometimes we sin of believing to have the gift of premonition. Every time we speculate about what our partner will say if we raise a question, a plan, we are anticipating ourselves unnecessarily and complicating life for free. Assuming what will be the reaction of our partner will only create a mental buzz that will turn us away from reality, therefore, speak and listen to what you want to say.
4. Surely right now is thought ...
In addition, when we are in a couple we are created the superpower of telepathy. We believe we know in advance what the other person thinks about any issue. And is that It is usually easier to pre-occupy ourselves than to deal with the situation.
5. If I had ...!
Conjugating this conditional about what you have done or have stopped doing will not bring you anything. What is relevant is what happened, what you did and what you said. That is the tool that will allow us to move away from thoughts in past that have not existed and invest in possible futures.