What are the most frequent discussion topics
All happy and stable marriages have difficulties on occasion as a result of the usual conflicting issues. These topics usually refer to the most important tasks of marriage, such as children, work, money, political family, sexual relations and housework.
Many people accept that for a relationship to work well you need to put effort. But this, what does it mean?
Emotional tasks to avoid arguments
There are a series of emotional tasks that couples must perform together so that the relationship improves, grows and becomes deeper. To feel safe in a relationship, you need to feel understood. The goal is to be able to understand the way of being and functioning of the other. How often we hear: "I just can not understand it!" Usually who does not understand, thinks that it is because the other works in an absurd or unreasonable way. It is not usually stated that it is perhaps he who is unable to flex his way of seeing the other, of spending time thinking. But to think about what?
-Why are you avoiding him or it does not open to try to be understood.
-In what is surrounding you, What drives him to act like that?
-In your state of mind, what may be limiting the right answer to those circumstances or those demands.
-In the closed and hostile attitude that we present to you and that prevents you from feeling safe or calm enough to explain what you feel.
-Thinking that it is possible that we have not found the most opportune moment to ask what is happening.
-We do not like how that particular matter leads and we are not willing to accept that he does what he can. Our level of demand suffocates.
-We do not love him enough to always look for an apology in the face of mistakes or shortcomings, as we usually do with children!
-To understand means to be able to think in all those circumstances internal or external that are part of our lives. In being able to be within the state of another's soul with the utmost respect to be able to see reality from its perspective, with its way of being, not with ours, with its state of mind, not with ours. In short, see with your eyes.
When problems arise in any of these topics, it is usually because:
1. They have different ideas about the subject.
2. They give different importance.
3. They would do it in a different way.
If the problem is unsolvable, you can only aspire to live comfortably accepting the differences. If it is soluble, it will be necessary to find the way and the strategy to solve it. If this is not the case, the marriage becomes a storm more among the many that life presents, but it will not be a safe harbor.
Monica of Aysa. Master in Marriage and Sexuality