How to act before the stage of no

The negative attitude of the child is a logical response to the feeling of self discovery and self-affirmation. Therefore, the 'no stage' is not negative as such. Yes it is the way in which they are allowed self-assert. If during the so-called 'no stage' they are not marked the appropriate limits can become spoiled, capricious children, in short, little tyrants.

Parents, before these behaviors, we must act with serenity, firmness and flexibility. In addition, it is very important that we learn to ignore them.

Guidelines for overcoming the 'no' stage of children

The best combination is found in requirement with reasoning. The principle of authority must prevail. For this we can follow the following guidelines:

- We will try to always be clear about what the positive and negative consequences of your NO and your YES. "If you touch the plug it will give you a cramp and we'll have to take you to the hospital"; -If you do not pick up the gadgets in their corresponding box, you will not give Mommy a joy. Also, the toys will break. "

- We must get used to it from the beginning Do not repeat the order more than once and we should never end up making our own request.

- We will give simple instructions, understandable to him and reasonable for his age. We can assure you that you have understood the request by making it repeat. For example: Instead of sending you with an imperative tone "brush your teeth", we will ask you: "Dove, darling, you're going to brush your teeth after dinner, right?" In this way, you will have to answer our question.

- We will give you a number of rational instructions and we will tell them one by one. We must bear in mind that children under five are not able to understand more than three requests at a time. - End of dinner, leave the plate in the pile, brush your teeth, wash your face, and get in bed, "the third indication has been forgotten.

- Le We will explain to our son the reasons why we ask or forbid I do something This information should be appropriate for the child's age.

- We will use a pleasant tone of voice. It is better if we measure up to our son (squatting) and look him straight in the eyes (making sure he looks at us too).

- If we sense that you are not prepared to comply with the order, We will ask if you need help or we will help you directly so that, little by little, he gets used to do without us and be self-sufficient. At first we can use games and show us in a good mood so that he does not identify obedience with something negative. For example: we will play to see who classifies the toys faster by colors, sizes, etc.

- Le We will reward you when you have obeyed our order or request without a NO, and never before. The more immediate the reward, the more effect it will have. We will have to accustom him to affective rewards better than materials. We will embrace you, we will flatter you and express our joy without fear of exaggeration.

- We can count up to five out loud to understand that we are waiting to do what we have asked. If at this time our son has not obeyed, without raising his voice or arguing, we will guide him with our hands to do so. For example: if you refuse to lower your feet on the sofa, we will remove them. If we want you to collect the toys, we will help you *

The authority It's easy to lose it, but winning it is not that easy. The true purpose of authority is make the child endorse a series of values and put them into practice, and not simply get "right behaviors".

Conchita Requero

Advisor: María Campo Martínez. Director of Infantile Schools Kimba.

More information in the books ::

- Your children from 1 to 3 years old, of Blanca Jordán de Urries. Editorial Word.

- Do not be afraid to say no, by Osvaldo Poli.Editorial Word.