Couple discussions
All happy and stable marriages have discussions as a couple on occasion as a result of common issues such as children, work, money, family policy, housework ... In this case, approaching positions is the most convenient to arrive at a good port together. The goal is to be able to understand the way of being and functioning of the other to channel the couple's discourse.
Many people accept that for a relationship to work well you need to put effort. But this, what does it mean? There are a series of emotional tasks that couples must do together so that the relationship improves, grows and deepens. To feel safe in a relationship, you need to feel understood.
However, they usually arise sparking themes and that are the trigger of the couple's discourse. They are everyday issues, which usually refer to the most important tasks of marriage. As they are the children, the work, the money, the political family, the sexual relations or the work of the house.
An effort to understand the other
How often do we listen: "I just can not understand it!". Usually who does not understand, thinks that it is because the other works in an absurd or unreasonable way.
It is not usually stated that it is perhaps he who is unable to flex his way of seeing the other, of spending time thinking. But to think about what?
- Why are you avoiding him or it does not open to try to be understood.
- In what is surrounding you, which leads him to act like that.
- In your state of mind, what can be limiting the right answer to those circumstances or those demands.
- In the closed and hostile attitude that we present to you and that prevents you from feeling safe or calm enough to explain what you feel.
- To think that it is possible that we have not found the most opportune moment to ask what is happening.
- We do not like how that particular matter leads and we are not willing to accept that he does what he can. Our level of demand suffocates.
- We do not want him enough as always to seek an apology for mistakes or shortcomings, as we usually do with children!
- Understanding means being able to think about all those internal or external circumstances that are part of our lives. In being able to be within the state of another's soul with the utmost respect to be able to see reality from its perspective, with its way of being, not with ours, with its state of mind, not with ours. In short, see with your eyes.
The reason for the couple's discussions
When there are couple discourses in any of these topics, it is usually because:
1. They have different ideas about the subject.
2. They give different importance.
3. They would do it in a different way.
If the problem is unsolvable, you can only aspire to live comfortably accepting the differences. If it is soluble, it will be necessary to find the way and the strategy to solve it. If this is not the case, marriage becomes one more storm among the many that life presents, but it will not be a safe harbor.
Mónica de Aysa. Master in Marriage and Sexuality
