From father to grandfather, the first grandchild
The first grandchild it provokes an "emotional revolution" for the recently released grandparents. But the truth is that the arrival of the grandchildren is another stage of life. Undoubtedly, the grandchildren introduce into the placid life of the grandparents a noisy incidence of laughter and tears, which bring us back to our youth. However, the compensations that are produced by the simple fact of enjoying a smile are much greater.
There is talk that some elderly people fear "lose position" in the family, so it is vital to remember that for the grandparents the first must always be the other spouse, then the children and thirdly the grandchildren; this at thirty and eighty years. Jealousy in adults is a mixture of envy, desire to hoard, underground selfishness and always, disorder. It is already known that those who do not put their love in order are opposed to being very unhappy.
The tensions of the novice grandparents
Another reaction of the grandparents may be the appearance ofwishes of mangoneo -that we all love- and that reach such ridiculous extremes as saying where they have to put the paintings in their own home. Our children have the right to lead their lives, much less are we willing to accept that a third person, whom we met recently, has more power to influence than we do. This reflects that we do not know the meaning of the word freedom - despite being so vaunted - and much less we are consistent with the love we assure to feel for our children.
We do not let them be themselves. This is a pending issue since they were children, when we were already trying to "substitute" them even in the smallest decisions. Bearing in mind that the first educators of the children (grandchildren for us) are their parents, it is very convenient that we carry in our hands a "jarrita de aceite" to throw it into the bearings when the ardor of the years leads to the warmth of the " helmets".
Advise yes, never preach
The truth is that you are a father all your life and tend to continue counseling, but the children when they become parents demand independence. Therefore, "speeches" or "sermons" are worth little, both to the three and to the thirty years. At any age what "makes an impact" on others are the facts. The words should only respond - in the clearest and most concise way - to the purpose of giving a reason for our way of acting. That means biting the tongue a thousand times, but with that we show that we know how to love them. It costs a lot to learn to be "available", to be "welcoming" and not to be surprised by anything you do, no matter how hard you get into our way of seeing things. Do not forget it, they are free. Precisely because we have educated them for freedom and we know that after listening to us they will do whatever they want, we have the duty to make the suggestions that we find appropriate -and that they wait because they know us-, although we stress that the decision is only yours
It is very important that our children, well before becoming parents, are convinced that in meneducation never ends, even if we are all ninety years old. That is the bondage and greatness of the human condition: that we can constantly improve. For these considerations to have a positive echo -in sons and grandchildren-, so that they are a true way back and forth, it is imperative that we know how to be grandparents without a drop of bitterness, or a pessimistic view of life . Nothing to be back, nor to think that any past time was better. We are in the best of times.
Advisors: Antonio and Pilar. Grandparents
More information in the book: Father's heart, of Osvaldo Poli.
If you want to read the first chapter, press here.
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