Family dialogue: how to create a climate of trust

When a family feels comfortable, when we choose to return home to feel the warmth and affection of our loved ones, when you are willing to tell them the good and the bad that has happened to share joys and seek understanding from those who understand you ... is that there is something that works. But what is it? This is the secret that the psychiatrist reveals to us Fernando Sarráis in his book The dialogue.

The ideal environment in any relationship between people is the positive environment, which depends on positive affectivity, that is, that people who are related have positive emotions and feelings. The fundamental positive affects are peace (calm, tranquility, calmness) and joy (good humor) and they are the ones that must prevail at home so that there is dialogue between all family members, parents and children.

This is what the author tells us Fernando Sarráis in his book The dialogue, of Ediciones Teconté, who affirms that "positive affects arise and are maintained in a context of love, given and received, negative affects arise when people suffer, and people who love each other strive to make others feel good. is concrete in respect to what they say, in an interested listening, in the exercise of sincerity, loyalty, prudence, and respect for the freedom of others, which manifests itself in avoiding manipulation, submission or convincing force of one's opinions. "

Confidence in couple communication

Parents are the cornerstone of the family and their good relationship has a decisive influence on the well-being of their children. But, what is the key to maintaining trust in a couple's relationship over time? "Maintain the love of the beginning, that is, continue being a boyfriend all your life, talk and treat the other as when you were a boyfriend and everything went well, and in relation to that initial love, maintain admiration and respect," she says. Fernando Sarráis.

When admiration and respect are lost it is easier to mistreat others and make them suffer, with the risk of putting out their love. "As admiration and love arise before the good and the valuableTo keep the love of the beginnings, we have to look at others for the beautiful part, that is, to contemplate the good things of the loved ones, avoiding obsessing about their defects. It is also convenient that each one struggles to maintain and improve positive personal characteristics, and acquire others, to make it easier for the other to admire and love us, "says author Fernando Sarráis.

Trust and mutual respect are the key to any relationship and in the case of the couple is still more important because love intervenes. "When two people love each other, mutual trust emerges in them, because there is no fear of suffering harm from the other. Therefore, that trust, and the love on which it rests, diminish with the frequency and intensity with which there is mutual harm. Trust does not mean saying or showing negative things, which will make the other suffer, who loves us and can induce him to cut with communication; but the positive, which makes the other feel good and predisposes him to continue to be interested in communication. This selective communication supposes to possess the virtue of prudence, which leads us to think about what should be told before talking, "concludes the author of the book El Diálogo.

How to get the children to tell us their things

Creating that trust in children to tell us their things is a challenge for parents. "If there were only one condition to be said, I would say" respect. "It is true that respect derives from admiration, and love is related to love.When someone is respected, they are treated well, listened to and accepted. ideas, illusions and decisions, in this way confidence is inspired in the children, because trust can not be imposed ", warns Sarráis.

When a person is not respected, it is very hard to live all of the above, and it is frequent that the other person is instrumentalized for their own well-being. "Two other conditions that help to develop trust are sincerity and loyalty," continues Fernando Sarráis. No one trusts liars or traitors, who are not loyal and betray trust by telling what they have told them in confidence or using it to hurt when conflicts arise.

Keys to good communication with the family

Currently, different models of family coexist, and in all of them the common denominator that should have communication with children should be knowing how to make each other known. Sarráis explains that "we must make our inner world known, not only give information about peripheral or superficial aspects, ideas, feelings, illusions, desires, longings, loves ...So, in the dialogue we must speak with sincerity of how we are inside, above all of the positive aspects to make those who listen to feel good. Thus, we will avoid being boring, monotonous, complaining, nostalgic, bitter; and the others will want to listen to us and be with us. "

Another important aspect to plant a climate of good communication is always to give priority to the other. "This assumes true interest in the other, which is easier if you love and respect it." Self-centered, selfish, narcissistic communication is insufferable and condemned to die, concludes Fernando Sarráis.

Marisol Nuevo Espín

To know more:
The dialogue, of Fernando Sarráis. Teconté Editions.
Read here thefirst chapter of The dialogue

Video: Grief is Good | Joe Primo | TEDxAsburyPark

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