Types of parents for teenage children
The majority of adolescents complain to parents "more freedom". However, for most parents accepting the autonomy and independence of children is a difficult process to manage. And it is precisely this different way of managing which outlines the different parental styles or types of parents for teenage children.
Some parents give excessive freedom in adolescence to their children when they are not yet prepared, and on the contrary, other more fearful parents avoid that the children assume responsibilities or make their own decisions, denying them any possibility of maturing and growing as a person.
Three types of parents or parental styles
In general, we usually talk about three types of parents or parental styles, the authoritarian, the democratic and the permissive.
- Democratic parents: they are parents who direct the child's activities rationally, establishing clear limits that must be respected and allowing reasoning and negotiation. The democratic style It is related to high levels of self-esteem, social skills, academic achievement, independence and maturity.
- Permissive parents: These parents try to encourage the son's autonomy. However, they avoid setting limits or supervising the child's behavior. The permissive style It is related to high levels of self-esteem and social skills, but the lack of limits have been related to higher scores in immaturity and dependence.
- Authoritarian parents: These parents demand obedience, restrict the autonomy of the child and try to control the behavior of the children in a rigid way through physical punishment, verbal threats or continuous prohibitions. The authoritarian style it has been related to lower levels of self-esteem and confidence, greater fears and insecurities and high scores in obedience and academic performance.
The democratic style: the most positive for teenagers
As a result, it seems that the democratic style is the one that most positively influences adolescents. According to this model, although all adolescents will try to question the norms, comparing them with those of other families, parents should exercise the authority so that the children understand that in life there are limits and learn to tolerate frustration. You should also help understand the consequences of their behaviors.
For example, if a child arrives two hours later than the scheduled time and his behavior has no consequences, the father is losing his credibility as an authority figure. However, the measures you take must be consistent. If you punish your child without leaving on Saturday for having failed an exam, you can not arrive on Saturday and take away the punishment.
However, limits must go hand in hand with communication, since communication and trust allow negotiation. For example, if your child asks you to come back an hour later than usual because it is the end of the year party and all your friends are going to come back later, you can renegotiate the time for specific situations like this one.
Unfortunately, there are no recipes to improve communication with adolescents, since each child is a world. One way to get close is to get interested in the things you like. For example, if your child likes a certain type of music, ask him or her, listen to music with him or accompany him to buy a record from the group he likes.
Likewise, Democratic parents encourage children to make decisions and teach them to learn from their mistakes. If we protect them we will not be helping them to become stronger and more mature. Adolescents need opportunities to explore different roles, try new personalities and experiment. However, it is very important that these decisions are guided and supervised by an adult.
Instead of giving sermons about what you have to do and what you do not have to do, your children will listen to you if you take the time to listen carefully. It is not as important to talk as to listen. Many times parents want to help children who interrupt them by giving solutions before they finish telling the problem, when they are probably just looking to be listened to or guided.
Finally, as the child shows more maturity and responsibility it can be given more freedom. You can start by giving small domestic responsibilities and gradually decrease the degree of control.
Cristina Noriega García. Institute of Family Studies. CEU San Pablo University
