Children's problems: strategies to help them
Does your son know? face your problems? Or are you solving them? If we give them "unnecessary help" intervening directly to solve the children's problems, it is very probable that without pretending it we make of them children with lack of personal autonomy, insecure, dependent in excess of the adults, not very creative and, therefore, vulnerable and incapable of reaching a complete maturity.
All children, like all people, run into difficulties throughout their lives. Without intending to delve into more serious problems of pathological or psychological, or other social such as bullying, we will address some everyday situations that are problems for children between 7 and 12 years.
Problematic experiences that are children's problems
1. Do not finish integrating in class. It's hard to make friends because of shyness or other reasons.
2. It has a too impulsive character and often mess with others. Always wants to be the first.
3. He has special difficulties in studies, low academic results and evident immaturity. You may be able to repeat.
4. Do not study daily.
5. Lack of discipline and bad behavior. With some frequency, the teacher comments to the parents this attitude of the child.
6. They mess with him / her for "nerd".
7. They mess with him / her for having some "weirdness": short, too tall, chubby, curly hair, little hair, etc.
8. Usually, important material is left at home or class, like gymnastics, homework, etc.
The reaction of parents before the problems of children
How do you react? Before continuing reading, stop to think how you react to any of these problems or other similar that your child may suffer ...
Now, after having analyzed your reactions, you can continue reading the following table that we offer you. It is about some ways of acting of certain parents before the problems seen above:
1. They tell their child that it is better to be alone than badly accompanied and they ask for a change of class.
2. They do not see in this excessive behavior problem, on the contrary, has leader wood. It is a way to defend yourself from others.
3. They feel sorry for their son and refuse to put a special measure of reinforcement, because it would be traumatized to feel different. They refuse to repeat. Your self-esteem can be damaged.
4. They do not demand it daily and they let him stay at home without going to school when the next day he has an exam.
5. They tend to excuse their son. They think that "others" are the culprits, or are exaggerations of the teacher.
6. They tend to criticize others and respond to their child: "They envy you". In addition, they encourage you to also defend yourself by getting involved with others.
7. They also tend to blame others, they make him a victim and fill him with other compensations.
8. They go to school to take things that has been left or picked up.
Children too wrapped up by their parents
Logically, our greatest aspiration is that our children are happy and for this we want to avoid "unnecessary" suffering, but to spare them all kinds of problems intervening in their lives whenever a difficulty arises, is to deprive them of a necessary learning.
In this sense, Boris Cyrulnik, the so-called "psychiatrist of hope", maintains that "sheltered children, super protected, do not overcome the wounds of life (...), they lack security to the extent that they have never been exposed to pain, to sadness, to suffering, it is necessary for the child to know fear so that he can overcome it, depriving him of it is a way to make him vulnerable (...) Protected children live in a prison and are incapable to face things for themselves, they suffer as much damage as the abandoned, we develop according to fears and sufferings, happiness is not to escape them, but to face them and overcome them: just as we appreciate water when we are thirsty, we perceive the happiness when we have experienced sadness before. " In the same line, David Isaacs says that "part of maturity, is knowing how to take the pain."
The performance of teachers before the problems of children
And, how can the teacher help? What we do have to do is discuss with the tutor the problems of our children, mainly when an issue is not fixed. Amelia Gomá suggests that, like the parents, helping the student to know himself, talking a lot with him, putting affordable goals in short terms of time, suggesting solutions that he can put into practice and encouraging him to think others, observing how he responds and encouraging him to try again if things do not go as expected, reinforcing the positive and congratulating him if he manages to overcome the problem.
In the same line, Professor Carlos Blanco, recalls that the natural tendency is to protect the weak. This, which is normal, is also counterproductive and tends to make situations worse. In his opinion, it is important to help the offended by putting him in a position to assess the real importance of the facts and not increasing it. "Educators must remain expectant and intervene indirectly, subtle, moving threads in the shade, but it is good not to act directly while things do not acquire a dangerous look.We must convey our understanding and support, but it must be he who confront your concern, "he says.
Tips for thinking about children's problems
If your child has a problem:
- Do not always blame others.
- Think with your child what he can change.
- Ask him what solutions he sees.
- Infuse optimism to put into practice that solution that has arrived.
- Do not try to cut down those conflicting situations.
- Give him love, but not making him a victim.
- Avoid compensating that suffering with gifts.
- Minimize your problem by encouraging you to discover suffering and problems in others.
Their physical differences make them different and, therefore, it is a learning opportunity for others. Not all girls have to be skinny. That does not mean that if she is chubby, you encourage her to put on more weight. If his problem is that he is short, he looks for his qualities: he is intelligent, funny and with a big heart.
Marina Berrio
Advisors: Amelia Gomá, Director of the Orvalle School of Madrid.
Clara Sordo, Subdirectora de Primaria of the Orvalle School of Madrid.
