How to avoid criticism of the couple
People who have dominion over their words, never offend anyone. Neither do they allow themselves to be humiliated. The way we communicate with each other is decisive. But,How to avoid criticism of the couple.Theassertive communication it is the only one that allows to give and receive in return what is necessary, respecting the own limits and the needs of the other.
Many of theproblems that we find in couples they derive from the ignorance of the affective and emotional needs of the other. It is a question that must be asked with some frequency. Is there something you're missing? If we were able to be so attentive to the needs of the other,We would avoid constant damaging criticism of the couple.
Chronic couple issues
In all couples there are chronic issues: the distribution of domestic chores, decisions concerning the education of children, management of finances, relationships with the family policy, conflicts about tobacco, alcohol, etc. . No lasting affective relationship is free of chronic conflicts.
What's more, theabsence of conflicts is a sign of emotional distance, which excludes any true relationship. There is nothing that affects our emotional brain as much as the distance or the indifference of those people to whom we are attached: our partner, our children, our parents.
It is interesting the relationship between what we are able to think, what our cognitive brain is concerned with and what we feel, what the emotional brain is concerned with. On many occasions, especially males, they are flooded with emotions, drown in them and are only able to put themselves on the defensive. Many women also work that way. They do not try to find a solution or an answer that would calm the situation. This system causessuch conflicting relationships that one of the two retires like a wounded animal.
Methods to avoid criticism of the couple
If the way we have ofcommunicate with our partner it has not worked, it must necessarily beAsk yourself why it is so and change it:
1. An effective way to communicate is usuallyreplace criticism with the expression of feelings.
Instead of saying: "You are disasters, disorderly," explain: "I need order around me to feel peace, so I feel bad." Given the expression of what we feel, others can react with respect; but nevertheless,in the face of criticism, the tendency is to defend oneself.
2. The second efficient way to communicate ispose objective situations, describe them, without judging the other.
Normally, saying what we think of the other is not worth anything, however,show the feelings despite discovering our vulnerability is something that the other can not question and if you are interested in that relationship we give it a foot to restore it.
Mónica de Aysa. Master in Marriage and Sexuality.
