The lie in adolescence: 10 tips

Lie it consists in not telling the truth with the intention of deceiving. But just as there is only one way to declare the truth, the lie has infinite modalities. You can hide the true, disguise the situation, distort reality, say what is not or not say what it is, talk about more or less, do not do or not think what is said, keep what is not believed, promise the impossible, use the ambiguity, and a long etcetera that is summarized in not going with the truth ahead.

The lie it's everywhere: in make-up, in advertising, in politics, in hair dyes, in information, in the exaggerations of our little exploits, in anti-wrinkle creams, in statistics ...

The lie from childhood to adolescence

Although it costs us, we must assume that they are no longer "so children". Our children are being born again, they wake up to their independence, in a gradual way.

To propitiate this second birth, we must take into account some guidelines:

1. Protecting our children does not mean locking them in a bubble. It may be easier for us, but, in the long run, it is not for them. This does not mean that they can "do everything". We must talk with them about what is more in line with their development as people, expose our fears, concerns and reasoning.

2. A greater autonomy, greater responsibilities, also at home.

3. Treat them as "older", not like big kids. We must treat children not as what they are, but as what we would like them to be.

4. Let them make mistakes and learn from their mistakes. It is not about learning to beat, but that they are exercising their freedom.

They do not lie, but they do not tell the whole truth

Sometimes they do not lie, but they do not tell us the whole truth. For example, we learned from the teacher and not from him, that our son has done some mischief in school. He has hidden it from us and we learned about second. Sometimes, they consider that there are things that should not be counted, such as small mistakes, misdeeds. Nor can we create a police state at home. They hide them so as not to be ashamed or ashamed. But we do not have to make a drama out of this fact, it's just a mistake. If he had told us before, he would have felt better and above all, that mutual trust so necessary in the family, between parents and children, would have been reinforced.

Consequences of lying in adolescents

Many times the truth puts us in trouble, while an insignificant lie takes us out of them with great ease. This is what happens when a teenager tells his father that he will spend the night at the house of that trusted friend, when the truth is that he will spend the night at the house of another friend who is not liked by his parents.

We distinguish between great deceptions and small everyday lies, but the only way we can quantify its seriousness is the consequences that a lie causes. Something common to all lies is that they seek their own benefit, except for the so-called "pious lies", with which we supposedly try to avoid harm to others, such as when we do not tell the whole truth to the sick.

The lie is used to avoid responsibilities or avoid punishment, but adolescents fundamentally use them to use their freedom at will and not their parents'.

The lie has a special attraction due to its ability to change reality. This power of lies makes mythomaniacs, people who build a parallel world based on believing their own falsehoods. The abuse of the lie can make us lose the reference of the truth and bring psychotic consequences. If we use lies at discretion, even if they are very subtle, mild or pious, there will be no machine to guide us, because we will have lost the reference of truth, sincerity.

10 tips against lying

1. Before a plan that seems too bold for your age, reason with your son or daughter why you think it is not convenient for him. Know what your fears and reservations are. Do not stay in a NO to dry.

2. Take care of the example we are giving you. If we tell our daughter not to tell dad such a thing, we will be exercising him in the lie.

3. Work on self-esteem. As long as they do not feel confident, they will more easily lay hold of the lies.

4. Make the value of truthfulness attractive. To always tell the truth, to have a word, makes us people that can be trusted.

5. Teach him that friendship is incompatible with lying.

6. Never catalog or call you a liar or a liar. Show him confidence that he will stop lying, because we are sure that "that" is not his way of being authentic, but a passing incident.

7. Do not maximize your error. Let's consider each lie as a blunder and invite them to rectify. When we catch him in a lie, and recognize him, value more the fact of having recognized him.

8. Give him confidence. Let him realize that he is gaining more freedom as he trusts him / her.

9. Watch with them the television to teach them to detect lies. The scripts of many television series are mounted on a misunderstanding or a lack of veracity, which is entangled until there is no other choice but to tell the truth.

10. Punish him if we catch him lying? If we punish him, his fear feeds back. We must talk about why he has lied, what his fear has been. "Pillarles" a lie is a good opportunity to start a dialogue. Do not fall into the tremendismo: "You have failed me", "since I trusted you", "look to lie to your mother". Let him see what would have happened (in the long run) if he had told the truth. Let him see also that it has been positive that we have "hunted" him because he can renew his confidence.

Marta Santín
Advisors: Pilar Guembe Y Carlos Goñi