The day of the adoptive father
The Father's day It is a tribute date for all parents without exception, it is an excuse to recognize the role played by all our parents throughout our lives. But what happens when a child has two parents? What happens when the child has an adoptive father and a biological one? How will you live that date?
How to help and understand adopted children
Faced with those events that involve a family celebration (Christmas, weddings, communions ...), it is likely that difficult family-related issues emerge; those of which we are all aware but of which it is difficult for us to speak and therefore, as they are not spoken, it seems that they do not exist. And one of those issues in a family with an adopted member is the family of origin, the biological family.
Each adopted child is going to face your story differently depending on different factors: the information he has about his biological family, what he remembers of it, how that topic has been treated from the adoptive family, the maturity of the child ... and, depending on all this, it will be more or less trained to be able to speak with ease and naturalness of their adoption as well as to be able to enjoy certain dates without conflicting or painful feelings.
Adopted children They often have fear when talking about their biological family because they believe that it will hurt their adoptive parents; It is a matter of loyalty. Other times, it is the children themselves who are not prepared to face it; you have to give them time and be there supporting them and always observant since those painful feelings, those anguishes ... manifest themselves in behaviors that are difficult to understand as silences and withdrawal, fantasy games that seem to evade reality, outbursts of rage and anger uncontrolled by unimportant things ...
It is important to understand that, in general, children do not know how to say what happens to them because nobody has taught them, because it is too big for them or because they simply do not know what is happening to them. It is your task as a parent to learn to decipher these behaviors, see that they go beyond what at first sight and teach your child to reflect on the feelings that generate it, emotions ... so that he learns to manage them in a way positive.
Tips for the day of the adoptive father
1. Speak naturally about the issue of adoption, that it is father's day and that although he is now with you celebrating him, you understand that one day he may want to know or look for his biological father and also celebrate with him.
2. Do not try to hide or modify reality with celebrations of false days of the family. Father's day is father's day, be it your adopted child, orphan, the son of parents or mothers of the same sex, the son of a single mother ... and trying to soften it to avoid painful feelings, what you get many times is the opposite effect.
3. Observe how it behaves before these indicated dates and take advantage of a moment of intimacy to talk about their feelings, always with respect and without forcing.
Ana Mª Linares Alonso. Health Psychologist Psychology and Adoption.
Author of the Adopting and Adopted blog.
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