Perfectionism and comparison: the two poisons of self-esteem
In building a healthy and good self-esteem there are two brakes, perfectionism and comparison, which prevent their development. And there is a big difference between having a certain level of Self-demand and being a perfectionist, or never be satisfied because you are always comparing yourself with others.
The fact of putting interest in doing the best in each moment and showing all our abilities and qualities, and not half, is something positive and proactive. Living with the decision to offer and show all the good that there is in us helps us to improve ourselves and to give the best, but knowing that we can only offer what we have.
On the other hand the perfectionism is utopian, is to walk towards an impossible, because as humans we have more worked parts, qualities and strengths, but also others that are to be developed and that have, therefore, a great potential for improvement. Trying to avoid or hide them can always undermine your self esteem.
Perfectionism, an enemy of self-esteem
Pretending to always like, doing everything well and being the best in everything is an exhausting and impossible struggle that often produces a lot of frustration, disappointment, guilt and low self-esteem, because it makes you feel that whatever you do "is never enough" and "there could always be done better. "
Perfectionist people tend to have a certain degree of insecurity and lack of confidence and often suffer from anxiety and stress, for this reason it is important to overcome perfectionism. Delay work, projects and dreams trying to make them perfect, losing opportunities and much of their free time and leisure.
And the fact that we believe we could do better, connects us with this second poison for self-esteem, which is comparison, because if I think I could do better, the comparison comes into play because what do I mean better? ?
The comparison, the second poison for self-esteem
We have all compared ourselves more than once with someone, perhaps because we are also used to seeing him around us, in our family, at school with classmates because: they study more, they get better grades, they are more orderly, more obedient, more brave, calmer ... the list is endless.
From small we are competing with others to feel valid and loved, "enough" and we compare ourselves with others sometimes with the luck that the other "has worse" and so we feel superior thanks to the other's error or weakness and other Sometimes we feel bad, incapable because our false competitor "made it better".
As we grow, the list of comparisons grows too: I have more or less studies, I earn more or less money, I have a good partner or I do not have it ...
Solutions to improve self-esteem
- Learn to feel unique and special, just as we are.
- Pay attention to what makes us happy, without looking at others.
- Love what we are and that love makes us feel good to avoid the need for external approval.
- Put the focus more on the virtues and strengths, in our essence.
- Doing things our way and offering the best of yourself.
- Observe the other, not to compare, increase or decrease me, but to learn.
Trying to like everyone is always wasting time because the opinion of others depends on many factors and you will feel pressured and tense without being able to be truly you.
The proposal is to be the best version of yourself and let the world enjoy your essence, because there is no one like you, who thinks, moves, speaks ... like you.
Idoia Berridi. Nutritionist and life coach. Author of the Book BeLove Method. Blog Be happy, be healthy, be you.
