The bond of attachment with your baby
Knowing yourself loved and knowing how to love may be the great success of life and, possibly, your learning begins from birth, from the separation of a comfortable maternal womb to an unknown world, which at the moment is presented to your baby as cold and hostile. Here begins your role as father and mother through the bond of attachment. Here begins to put the base of that little person who will be more or less happy, and more or less sure of herself, depending on what we do "a good attachment."
The affective bond and, above all, a good attachment is the stable affective relationship of security and trust, which is established between the newborn child and the people most intimately related to him. Normally this person is the mother in the first place, although the father also has an important role. Good attachment is the result of the interaction between the two; it is the basis of trust and security that, as the child grows, will promote their healthy emotional, psychic, intellectual, physical, even spiritual development.
Develop a good attachment between the parents and the baby
The proper function of the bond of attachment is protection. It is time to give security. At birth, your baby goes from having been mother's womb with "all kinds of comforts" to being in a world that may seem hostile. Begins to feel cold, hunger, sleep, certain discomforts ... Who makes you understand first that the world is pleasant and that you are very dear to you, your mother, and a little later, although also in priority, your father. If right after birth the child again listens to his mother's heart and all the sounds that have accompanied him during pregnancy, if he notices the hot contact with his mother's skin, he is receiving messages of welcome, warmth and security.
There are times when this is not possible (due to illness), so the attachment will be done differently and there will be no harm to the child; but if you can, it's the best reception.
The behaviors that develop the bond of attachment with the baby
At birth, your child needs to feel that the world is pleasing. For that reason in the first months, when crying he demands to be taken care of, taken in arms. As he grows older (4-6 months) he learns the pleasures of the world and will have to establish guidelines, limits so that he will acquire operational patterns that will also give him security; but always after "he has proven that the world is not hostile" and that his parents, especially his mother, are permanent and give him security. From this moment, it will be when at certain moments to catch you is not to help you. In any case, mothers must develop that sense of distinguishing when they need attention, when they are "wanting to skip the limit".
Making a good attachment is vital in the development of our child, since we play that in the future he feels and knows himself competent personally, emotionally and professionally. People's lives are never absolutely determined by how their childhood was, but the attachment that has been experienced in childhood does determine the type of relationships that are established in the future, the type of social, emotional, etc., responses, what one gives
We can not delegate paternity or motherhood. Exceptionally it can be an aid that the people who take care of the children favor the rest of the mother when it is necessary. The caregiver is there to cover those spaces that parents can not cover due to impossibility, but when the father or mother is at home they are responsible for the children.
Different types of attachment
- Secure attachment. It is healthy attachment, in it the mother is a safe base from which to explore the world. Happy children and with ability to display their talents.
- Insecure-resistant or anxious-ambivalent attachment. Mothers very close to their children. Unsafe children in the future.
- Anxious-disoriented attachment. Disorganized. Children in this group seem dazed and tending to depression, confusion or apprehension. There is hardly any eye contact. It is common for parents of these children to have psychic problems.
The emotional bond with your baby
- Your child needs emotional protection, andFective and felt.
- Even though you see it so tiny, your baby performs behaviors that ask for an affective bond with you: facial expressions, eye contact, smiles, crying, approaching behavior, grasping, imitation.
- If the mother transmits this feeling of security to her child, the child (however small it may seem to you) feels capable of autonomy and security to separate from it (in due time).
- If you do not breastfeed your son, remember that a well-given bottle, an exclusive dedication, messages of calm, security, etc., also establish a great attachment.It is not so much the "medium" that is used, but the way it is done.
Sometimes, it seems that we do not have time to attend to the youngest of the house, for this reason it is good to remember that all the daily moments in which the baby is being attended are ideal to develop good attachment: when feeding, When you change your diaper or clothes, during your daily bath, giving it a massage after or before it, etc.
In each of these moments we must transmit a tactile message: "you are very important, I love you, I am taking care of you, feel safe", favored if possible by a visual contact and a verbal message of tranquility, security.
Ana Aznar
Advisor: Marta Casas Sierra. Pedagogue, Family Orienter, Expert in Family Therapy.
