Tyrant and intolerant children: a growing evil

That a person wants to impose his will at all costs, and that adopts an attitude that is not tolerant in life without respecting others, is something that unnerves anyone. If we want our children not to be tyrant and intolerant children, we have to start now by making them see the importance of being tolerant and respectful, as well as teaching them to face the "bossy children and blackmailers".

Tyrant and intolerant children are those who seek at all times to impose their will, are bossy children who want to send others, interrupting the conversations of adults and peers, who believe that theirs is the best and that their opinion is the only worth. In addition, he blackmails his peers and criticizes and humiliates other children, including adults. The tyrannical and intolerant children have little ability to handle frustration and as time goes by it is harder to go back and it becomes a problem that is perhaps unsolvable.

5% of primary school children are considered tyrants

Different studies have warned that children who grow up with intolerant and tyrannical behaviors even attack their own parents, both psychologically and physically. In Spain, 5% of students in Primary are considered tyrants and intolerant, and around 2.5% in Secondary. Around 30 percent of comrades have been victims of their extortion.

There are children who demand everything, who already want it, children who impose their will, without respecting others. "Intolerant children, with very little ability to handle frustration," adds Francisco Javier Quintero Gutiérrez del Álamo, specialist in psychiatry.

The profile of the parents of tyrannical and intolerant children

Why is he such a boy? Some specialists point out that they have overprotective parents with the sole objective that their child never suffer and for that, they will give everything they ask for, even if it is not convenient to give it to them. Other times they are children lacking in affection and understanding on the part of their family. This frustrates them in such a way that in order to cope with their problem, they need to impose themselves on peers and friends.

Many times children also grow up watching the intolerant attitudes of their parents, who expose their racist and dictatorial ideas: "Immigrants are all a bunch of lazy people"; "To gypsies and water" etc ... We must talk to children without making judgments of value and without sowing hatreds that encourage discrimination.

Tyrant and intolerant children, a growing evil

Parent schools, pediatricians and psychiatrists face an evil of this society that seems to be on the rise. "The bossy child begins to say no, to claim his level of autonomy at two years, or even earlier," says Dr. Gutiérrez Casares. "Then the fight with the adult is almost a game, but parents must know how to control their children's tantrums, ignore them." If you listen to them, the tyrant evolves and expects the social system to pay attention to him as they do. his parents, "says the specialist.

Sometimes, not always, the "difficult child" at home is also at school. Rosario Ortega Ruiz, professor of Psychology at the University of Córdoba, has been tracking violence in Spanish children's schools for ten years. "A little more than a decade ago, researchers began to take care of this type of violent, abusive children, some of them, when they arrive at school, are out of control, they are despots who rule (" you do not play "), demand ( "Give me your money"), threaten ("if you tell the teacher we hit you"), "recalls the professor.

Awards and punishments: the education of tyrannical children

Specialists and psychiatrists advise that limits be placed on the child and not let him jump for any reason. You have to make him understand that you love them, but that you do not like the behavior you have. They also point out that when these situations occur, they place reasonable punishments but above all, that they be rewarded and praised when they correct their behavior. What it is about is to set goals to get a child to listen, respect and accept the will and opinion of others.

What we must never lose sight of is that our children have to grow up with limits for their own good. On many occasions we have to win the pulse, endure your tantrum. Other times, we have to show our tolerance, that is, give in something if we think it does not hurt, for example, watch that television show or allow him to wear those pants that horrify us.

They are still at an age (seven to twelve years) in which we can redirect their behavior. First, with our behavior: we can not give them everything they ask, they must learn to listen, to respect the turn of others, and they must see in us also that we respect those people who do not think or are not like us.Second, make them see that they do not gain more friends by imposing their will and criticizing those who are not like him, but instead, they will create more enemies and only get people around them out of sheer fear or pure interest.

Victim of a tyrant child

What to do if our son is the victim of the extortion and blackmail of a tyrant? First of all, we must not forget that our son is afraid. "If you tell the teacher or your parents, we beat you." Therefore, we must act with caution against child aggression. Recall also that they are still at a manageable age. They are not teenagers.

We can establish an action plan:
1. Our son should look for other friends and ignore the extortionist. To join with others who are also victims of the tyrant and without paying him with the same currency (nothing would be fixed). The best defense is ignorance.
2. Before a possible danger, you must notify the teacher, not going to be that for not being "sneak" come home with "broken leg."
3. Parents should talk to the teacher, to think about possible solutions. The system of personal tutoring with the tyrant and with the victim separately is always positive. 4. The parents of the child tyrant have to know the attitude of their child. They need help both they and their son. Good communication between teachers or psychologists, parents and the intolerant child is vital to know the origin, causes and solutions.

Marta Márquez
Advice:Rosario Ortega Ruiz, Professor of Psychology at the University of Córdoba

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