The couple and their 3 worlds: yours, mine and ours
A first step to consolidate the success of a relationship is to mutually respect the interaction with the 3 worlds that make up and cohabit in a relationship: "Your world", "My world" and "Our world". Defining both individual spaces and shared spaces in a broad manner, while defining their margins and competencies, can help maintain a good long-term and long-term relationship.
The three worlds of the couple
In the couple relationship, it can be just as difficult to maintain, the 3 worlds: yours, mine and yours. Caring for and nurturing "my world" is as important as making way for the construction of "our world". This last world, ours, you have to build it together.
It is about finding connections between some of those things that each one brings in his backpack; to consciously choose what is good and "useful" for each one; of leaving out the bad or inadequate that has been identified (or at least attempted). Especially enter here those questions that we bring from our families of origin, which have not been questioned, we have simply accepted and assumed, as an invisible inheritance, as unquestionable truths ... that within the couple can be cause for differences, mismatches and conflicts. And what is true about this unquestioned family legacy? And what is useful? Does it work for me and my partner project? Do I want to keep it? Or is it possible to transform it? All these questions should be the object of reflection.
The personal world of your partner and both
Your partner will find in "His world" the space to rest from you. Like you, in your world, you can take the rest you sometimes need from him or her.
Respecting the "personal world of the other or another" is, effectively, the best way to postpone the arrival of boredom and routine. However, it does not mean that you are never going to be a participant in it. You are a participant in your partner's world from freedom, invitation, proposal, the option to choose and say Yes or No; Respecting and accepting the privacy and autonomy of some areas of your partner's life.
Is in the world of both, "ours", where the two will have decisions and interference in an equitable manner. This is made up of fragments of "my world" and "your world": such as the friends that become common, the activities that the two practice together, and of other and new elements that arise as the relationship grows. This is where the relationship and the encounter live.
Life as a couple implies changes
A life in pairs implies new learning, new behaviors, attitudes and habits. It implies changes.
- To what extent am I willing to change for a healthy and autonomous life as a couple?
- What price am I willing to pay for my change? And if I do, what do I earn and what do I lose?
- To what extent does it compensate me to change aspects of me in pursuit of a relationship?
Finding your own answers to these questions is essential to the success and survival of the couple. The time we dedicate to it is worth it!
If we manage to cohabit the 3 worlds without collapsing each other, the harmony in the couple dynamics becomes a constant.
"Choose your partner very carefully, 90% of your happiness or sadness will depend on this decision, but after carefully choosing, the work is just beginning."
H Jackson Brown
Carina Sampó Franco. Director ofArtisan of life
Psychopedagogue and Psychodramatist. Life coach Educator in emotions.