Inflexible before tantrums: we do them a great favor
Parents have a very frequent problem in education: we fall into the error of being terribly short-sighted. I have my own theory about the tantrums. I think it's due, above all, to stress. We have enough to arrive alive until that night as to have to fix, in addition, the consequences of each of our acts to 20, 30 or 40 years. And it seems difficult to relate what it has to do to tie a shoelace to the child with the end of his university career.
What happens is that we look at our children, even at school age, and we have a hard time to visualize that one day they will go on their own to work, shave a thick beard or push a baby cart. So before the scene of a child of, say three years, riding a huff In a supermarket because he wants some sweets, we only usually see a three-year-old boy who rides a tantrum in a supermarket.
The problem in those circumstances of child tantrum is that we have to make very quick decisions. It reminds me a little of those batteries of questions that, in machine-gun mode, the waitress of a fast-food restaurant throws at us: "fried potato, potato wedges, roasted potatoes, mashed potatoes or coleslaw?" And by the time it ends, one is still trying to synthesize the first two offers.
In the scene of the children's tantrum in the supermarket something very similar happens. In just a few seconds an avalanche of questions comes to us: Do I let him cry? Is it better to shut up? If I tell him to shut up, is he going to mess it up? How much do I care about the embarrassment? How much hurry do I have to get out of here? How essential is everything I carry in the shopping cart?
Seldom do our gush-edged questions lead us to long-term repercussions: what consequences will this situation have on the acceptance of your first college suspense, the response of a bad boss or a broken courtship? If I admit the tantrum and get away with it, will he be able to control his instincts or will he eventually succumb to his most primal desires in other areas? Since I have already told him no and that's why he has gone into a tailspin, am I breaking with my authority towards him if I admit my own defeat?
Of course there is not time to think about all that. So it is convenient to bring it thought from home and come well formed to be a father. Because in the thousandths of a second after the outburst of anger, we can only resolve that soon to return to the previous status quo. A comfortable decision in the short term, but definitely bad in the long term.
If we had the ability to look through a crystal ball and understand the educational consequences of seemingly banal situations, we would take it more seriously. And we would end the tantrum at that precise moment.
How? With authority Because true love is the one that also corrects. And if you do not understand it today, you will understand it tomorrow. And if tomorrow they do not understand, you should not worry too much.
Because while their hysterical cries are increasing - they will do it - we have to think about the immense favor that we are doing to our children: they are receiving an essential lesson of resilience.
The hot flash will pass in a while. And then they will have grown as a person. In passing, as you know there is no point in messing with us because they do not get what they want, they will not return it to us and they will save many hot flashes. So, look where you look, ending the first (and last) tantrum of a child is doing him an immense favor.