The bond of attachment: when there is a lack of attachment with the baby or leftover

The addiction is the word that helps describe the emotional bond existing between the child and the adult. That adult becomes his reference and support figure, which gives him enough security to grow. The attachment is usually associated with the relationship with parents, but not only occurs with parents, but can also be carried out with other adults such as educators, caregivers and close relatives.

The bond of attachment is an invisible but essential thread. It is forged decisively in the first years of the child's life, when even reasoning occupies a secondary place. And it depends partly on the later development of the personality. That is the attachment, an element as necessary as it is difficult to describe, that builds the foundations on which the building of education and training in values ​​is built.


Secure and positive attachment

A positive and positive attachment is one that allows the baby feels safe at the same time he acquires levels of independence that allow him to grow and mature. Why is it so important for children to feel a secure attachment to their parents? The child is born totally unprotected in terms of own resources. Which means you need the support of an adult to survive. Not having this support in an unconditional and affective way will result in feeling unprotected and helpless in the face of any life situation that you have to solve. From the most basic, such as food, to any other more complex.


Build a secure attachment since he is very baby, he will help develop your personality in solid mode. This will allow him to be able to take initiative, to risk in new situations, to try any challenge that lies ahead because he will know that, whatever happens, he will have the support and strength of his parents nearby.

For this reason it is essential to pay attention, as parents, to the creation of these solid affective bonds so that we can reach a balance. We can not focus only on the affection and the signs of affection, but we must also establish autonomy guidelines to help them grow. They should not be replaced, but neither should they be required to do everything without our help or presence. The balance is in giving them guidelines, being a good model for them and letting them be always close by if they need our help.


When the attachment is missing

When there is no secure and stable attachment, the child develops a series of fears and insecurities that will make him act in a maladaptive way, provoking situations of emotional blockage or important rebellion reactions. We generate weak and insecure personalities that can go back in adulthood when they discover, by themselves, tools to cope with life. But, generally, during childhood they usually grow up with that emotional lack provoked by the lack of attachment.

In addition, because they did not feel loved and did not receive any signs of affection, they are usually harder children, introverted, emotionally dark since they do not know how to love or show that affection. This usually leads to difficulties in social relationships.

When left over: the excess of attachment

If it is harmful to educate children without attachment, so is it the excess of attachment that makes children unable to separate from their parents. Some families attach too much importance to attachment and there is often an imbalance in trying to constantly avoid any situation of possible suffering in the child. The relationship focuses on giving them a lot of affection and affection and to prevent them from suffering. For this, they come to do everything for them. There is no help, but rather a substitution. This causes a great dependence on the part of the child towards the parents. They do not know how to do anything alone, they are not even able to separate from them to be with other adults or other children. This triggers a great suffering for the child when he must face only certain situations. Very much against what parents can think, that way of acting so overprotective it will generate more suffering in the future.

Attachment in separate marriages

In the case of separated families It is important to act always thinking of the child over personal and individual interests. This means that it is very important facilitate that both parents can have situations of contact and coexistence with a certain regularity so as to be able to create a good bond of attachment with each one of them.

Being with children is a necessary condition to develop an attachment, but time does not directly produce attachment. Something else is important. The behavior on the part of the adult is crucial to generate one type of attachment or another. Therefore, in cases of separation is important certain moments of coexistence but, in addition, the attitude of parents should be aimed at achieving attachment.

Another interesting aspect that should be highlighted in these situations is that lThe spouses must respect and enhance the attachment of the other spouse. When there are disagreements and tensions between both, it is common to criticize or speak ill of the ex-partner and, therefore, to move the child away from the spouse. This directly harms the child, since it influences the attachments causing the negative consequences of their lack.

The attachment with other adults

Attachment does not occur exclusively with parents, but develops with all adults that generate a security and emotional stability in the child continuously over time, helping this security to a good growth and personal development.

For this reason, in nursery schools, teachers, especially those who assume a leading role, such as Tutors often develop very strong bonds of attachment with children. In this environment, the teacher is your reference figure. The same happens with a caregiver or any other adult who assumes a certain role with the children full of affection, support and help.

María Campo School director NClic-Kimba

Video: PSYCHOTHERAPY - John Bowlby


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