Do not even think about it...

This summer I spent a few days in the house of some good friends and in the long conversations, so frequent in the dark so that we did not eat the mosquitoes, more than once the subject of marriage and the complexity of the problems came out.

One of the daughters, still very young, but with three children, listened a lot and practically did not intervene in anything. Her husband, much more spontaneous, said what came to his mouth without the slightest objection to the presence of his in-laws.

One afternoon, while Grandma was starting to prepare dinner for the grandchildren, Alicia asked me if I did not care if we took a walk along the promenade. Immediately I said yes and we started walking.

-I usually read you in Thisfamilywelove, almost always, -he told me at the beginning- and I have to confess that sometimes I agree with you and sometimes I do not share your opinions.
- Up there we could get, I told him immediately. If twenty ideas you have two, I agree.
- It is that "everyone" who writes is a book theoretician. You have to go down to the arena to deal with the bulls.

The truth is that I had to bite my tongue to tell him that I have been married for 48 years and in the last 35 I have known thousands of families professionally. But the one who wanted to talk was her, not me. You had to let him unleash.

- I have a series of problems in my marriage. I understand that they are not serious, but they are so many that they have fed me up. From there he began to link with each other, in an endless series. "The illusion has passed me"; "My husband and I lead parallel lives"; "Communication has been broken because we do not have time to talk"; "He helps very little at home and three children give a lot of war"; "It makes me nervous that we just want to sleep on weekends"; "Sometimes she tells me I'm a terrible administrator"; "All the kindness that was a boyfriend has already forgotten and to top it off we want to distance children a little, when we want to be together we can not and when we can we do not feel like it"; "Nothing is like at the beginning."

The explanation of each aspect illustrated it with great detail and I listened to it in rigorous silence. Sometimes he highlighted some aspect, sometimes he gave him his theater point ... in short, what these things are. A naval battle in the water of a bathtub.
There was a moment that, perhaps to give a certain tragic tone, he released the fateful phrase: "I've started thinking about the possibility of separating myself."
At that moment I turned to her with all the energy I could muster and gave her a shout: Do not even think about it!
She was so surprised by my reaction, that to pour some water on the wine she said: "It's not that bad either, a lot of people do it."
I still got more nervous and since I have the greatest confidence with her, I said:

-How can you be so foolish? Alicia. You are talking to me about a substantial issue in your life and, for any argument, you compare yourself with everyone and accept the possibility of throwing out at least five people's lives through the window.
- I've been talking about my problems for half an hour and you tell me that I just want to do it because it's fashionable?
- Let's see if we put a minimum order. I am willing to use five afternoons to redirect each of the "real or supposed" problems that you have posed to me, but I am not willing to do so until you promise that you will remove "that little phrase" from your head.
- You see how you are a radical!
- Rate it as you want, that brings me to the fresh air. I have enough experience to make sure that when that idea is admitted as a possibility, it is as if a spark of fire had fallen in a secarral. The fire does not extinguish it.
Every time I have had to act in premarital courses, I tried to make it clear to the couple that their marriage certificate had to be kept in the highest trunk of the house, where it was impossible to reach it to reconsider it.

- That's living with your eyes closed ...
- But you think that reality is the balloon that you fancy every day with your fantasy? That is a novel, a fiction, a deception * Do you want to solve some problems, which you do not qualify as serious, creating a much bigger one?
Let's talk seriously.

Those problems that you talk to me about are the "daily bread" in any marriage. If you make a list, you can check with thousands of couples like yours. Some face them, overcome them and when a year has passed over them they are remembered as a nightmare. That does not mean that others do not appear then. In life there are always difficulties and yours are minimal. Although they seem huge to you because they are yours.

The imagination fed by fatigue, or by dark clouds of pessimism, which we all enjoy, we enlarge the problems that corner us in a dark room where everything is black, and even repulsive.When we are immersed in that well, someone - who is not an angel - opens a door for us where he ends up in paradise: "As soon as I part, the problems have been dug because I can do what I really want." Lie! Lie! Lie! There will appear many others, more serious and where you have less possibilities of acting, because you have started a machine that with its inertia there is no stopping it. It will be like a prisoner that will overwhelm you and many more people.

- You will not deny me - Alicia answered - that there are people who have done well on the second chance.
- Have you found someone who does not assure that they have vacationed in the best place in the world, drive better than anyone and their life is a succession of successes? They smile, smile and smile like fools, but cry secretly more than anyone else. All that without counting that in that decision, dictated by a fierce selfishness, has been left a field strewn with corpses. eye! There are cases and cases ... Sometimes there is no other remedy than to find a painful solution in the face of a very serious situation. I talk about you and your case.
It has been late for us and they will be waiting for us for dinner. We have to continue with this topic, Alicia.
- Are you aware that you gave me the night?
- I know, but to hear Chinese stories you have to go to Beijing and are tricked up to the fireworks.