Learning to make decisions in adolescence: from the impulsive to the prudent

It is true that we do not always have enough time to develop an adequate decision-making process; you also have to learn to take decisions under these circumstances. But in the learning stage that concerns us, it is advisable, from time to time, to put into practice a series of logical steps in the taking of decisions.

6 steps to make decisions

1. Clearly define the problem that we want to solve or the objective that we intend to achieve.

2. Collect information: about the circumstances surrounding the issue to be resolved, about possible solutions or outputs.

3. Formulate the different options to choose.

4. Assess the possibilities of action in its proper measure, with its "pros" and its "contras", without rushing, studying the probabilities of success of each of them, our tastes, etc.

5. Make the decision without delay, nor indecisions.

6. Carry it out. It would not be coherent to make a decision in our mind and not carry it out in reality, because our son could become a dreamer, full of illusions but not decisions.

From the impulsive teenager to the prudent

When defining a person for his ability to make decisions we can establish four types:

The impulsive: He is the one who first acts and then reflects on what he has done. He gets carried away excessively by the impulses of the heart and often regrets it. In this way you end up learning at the expense of your own mistakes.

How to guide him?
- We will have to help you find several options before acting and think different possibilities before deciding.
- We will also encourage you to reason each of these possibilities before acting.
- And, subsequently, that values, almost mathematically, the positive and negative aspects of each of the possible ways of acting.

The undecided: He is the teenager to whom each decision costs "one world". For this reason, he often abandons his own responsibility and ends up giving it to others. Let them decide and when he does, he feels great guilt and insecurity.

How to guide him?
- You will have to set specific time limits for you to make a decision. "For tomorrow you have to tell me ..."
- You can also be helped by giving you many concrete opportunities in which you have to choose.
- When you have made a decision, we will congratulate you, thus strengthening your confidence and self-confidence.

The rigid: he always acts in the same way, because he relies too much on his own experience. Sometimes he does not understand that other decisions could be better and more profitable.

How to guide him?
- We will try to suggest new alternatives with greater advantages. For example, we will encourage you to make an effort to get to know other classmates and make friends with them without prejudging them in advance.
- We can also help you to value each way of acting and, above all, to seek prior information, making you see that each time you can improve or that there are changes that can be seen, such as the appearance of a new book on a subject , or a friend who changes his way of thinking, etc.
- With concrete examples of our lives or those of our acquaintances, we can let you know that rectifying is wise.

The prudent: He is the one who tends to reflect on his decisions and then acts with energy to carry them out. It is the ideal type of action, without rigidities, indecisions, or precipitations.

How to guide him?
- We must show interest in their decisions to reinforce their self-esteem in this way.
- We can also propose bold and high goals, because surely you feel encouraged to undertake them.

Tips for making decisions in adolescence

- Making decisions does not mean spending hours and hours without knowing what to do, but following a few steps and choosing a way to act as soon as possible. Let's put a time limit for your decision making until you gain the necessary looseness.

- Sometimes it is more comfortable, and often much faster, not to let our children decide and choose for them. But we run the risk of becoming essential in their lives to the detriment of their maturity.

- When you have to make a decision more or less important we show interest in your decision-making process, but do not overwhelm you, because you could become impulsive. Let's give it time, but without forgetting about it. So you will notice that you are valued and, at the same time, you are respected.

- According to the capacity of each child, their degree of maturity and responsibility, they must be given autonomy to expand the list of subjects in which it is he who has to decide.

- When you have made an incorrect decision, try not to attack him, but make him calmly see his error: mistakes are learned and the lesson will be well recorded for the future.

- Once you have decided, you will have to be demanding with him to fulfill what was proposed. In this way you will understand that freedom is always linked to responsibility.

Propose your child to look for several alternatives of camps or different activities for the months of vacation. That write down the advantages and disadvantages of each of them, the possibilities they offer, friends that will come, value for money, etc. Finally, you will have to assess and explain what reasons lead you to opt for a particular one.

Marina Berrio
Advice: Antonio Jiménez. Philosopher, Psychologist and Family Counselor

More information in the book The six most important decisions of your life, by Sean Covey.