How to know if you are a toxic person
Recently we heard more and more frequently the denomination toxic people to refer to those that generate discomfort and conflicts, being harmful to our health and psychic balance. It is clear that it is very important to get away from those people that may be harmful to us, but what if the toxic person Is it self?
How can we know if we are being harmful to others? And above all, how can we avoid becoming toxic people or stop being it?
Toxic people inside: how are they?
Toxic people are people who always generate discomfort and who are somehow able to hook others in their dangerous networks. But how is a toxic person inside? Is the toxic person aware that he is?
We have often heard or read the characteristics of toxic people, those observable characteristics of their behavior, but little is known about those characteristics that we do not see or suffer directly. That's how toxic people are:
1. They are people with a great inner discomfort that are often harmful to themselves.
2. They are people who are not comfortable with themselves, with the life they lead and that fill their lives with the experiences of others because they do not face that which causes them discomfort.
3. They are people who need others, their affection and approval, but they have developed a dysfunctional and negative affective and relational pattern. That is, they need others, but the way they relate is not adequate.
How can we know if we are a toxic person?
It is not easy to know if one is a toxic person. As a help we can point out some indicators that will allow us to know if we are a toxic person. In any case, they are an orientation:
- Very often you feel envious of the achievements of others, you think they do not deserve it and you feel a great impulse to discredit and criticize.
- It's hard for you to avoid talking more about others, Often criticize and judge others including friends and family.
- You feel that others are very lucky and that you are unfortunate or unfortunate.
- When you do not like something, you get angry until you get others to do what you want.
- You know that others avoid telling you things that displease you, even do things to avoid your anger.
- If others do not do the plan that you like, you get very angry.
- If someone bothers you or hurts you, You think you should feel guilty about it and you try to make it so.
- Sometimes you manipulate people to achieve your ends, after all, if you do not do it, they will.
- You enjoy or at least you rejoice when someone else is doing badly or have some setback
- You like to have everything under control, Know what they do, say and even think your friends and close people.
How can we avoid being a toxic person or stop being a toxic person?
If you think you are a toxic person or have been able to be, it is very important that you try to change your way of relating as you will harm others and also yourself and over time it is normal for people to get away from you.
- Be honest with yourself and analyze if you have toxic behaviors, attitudes and thoughts. Remember that they are behaviors, attitudes and thoughts, when we refer to a toxic person, it is not really the person but these manifestations.
- Analyze your interior in search of the true origin of these behaviors, attitudes and thoughts. It is very important that you be honest with yourself, since in most cases they are a mechanism to protect us from what we do not like about ourselves.
- Develop your self-esteem and learn to accept you.
- Keep in mind that you are the only one responsible for your life and that you are only responsible for your life, not that of others.
- Analyze when and how you conduct behaviors, toxic thoughts and attitudes, in this way you can know the pattern and modify it little by little.
- Learn to accept others and respect them. Always before saying or acting, think from the other's point of view, put yourself in their place.
- Look for good things in yourself and in others. Every time you have a toxic thought, change it to a positive thought about yourself or the other person.
- It's a complicated process that takes time, so take it easy and sometimes the help of a specialist may be necessary.
Celia Rodríguez Ruiz. Clinical health psychologist. Specialist in pedagogy and child and youth psychology. Director of Educa and Learn. Author of the collection Stimulate Reading and Writing Processes.