The influence of the father in the adolescent children
If the education of the children was a movie, it could be said that the father becomes the main protagonist when he reaches the knot of the plot: adolescence. Children tend to pay more attention, especially boys. The changes of this time disorient and confuse adolescents, so they need a firm and secure support. This is just what they see in the figure of the father.
However, as every mother knows, also the presence of the mother in these years is still fundamental ... the only thing is that maybe it is less. The education of the children is something that is done between the mother and the father, between the masculine and the feminine. The lack of one model or another implies an imbalance.
The bosom of the family is a place that needs the presence and sensitivity of man and his way of being masculine. Every child needs this presence, a different presence, which does not surround like the mother, but teaches, that opens horizons. And when adolescence arrives, the role of the father is key.
The dance of the influences of parents on children
According to a study by Juan García Gómez, pedagogue and family counselor of Delphos-Cofa, the father's influence, in the evolutionary process of the children, follows an unequal trend.
- During pregnancy and the first 18 months, its influence is almost nil, while that of the mother rises to almost one hundred percent.
- Between three and twelve years, the influence of the father grows from 20 to 40 percent.
- Adolescence is a critical and convulsive period and the situation turns upside down: it is the father who influences almost one hundred percent ... Until this period passes, the influence of both parents will not be equated.
Attention, parents: it is time to influence the children
Attention to parents! It is time to influence decisively and to exercise authority. This requires positive attitudes in the father, which are not limited to prohibiting, correcting or lecturing always. It is better to speak to the children with serenity, respect and tact; ask them questions that interest them and make them think; listen to them and try to understand their points of view; give explanations of the rules and prohibitions; praise good behavior ...
Adolescence is a period of preparation for youth, maturity and adult life. And these are important issues that the father should have in his head. It matters more the kind of friends you have than if you dress with broken jeans ... Taking responsibility for the studies more than if you put the music a "little" high ...
The authority of the father
The stable presence of a male authority at home is necessary to control excesses and to teach the children self-control, especially during adolescence. If the authority of the adult male disappears, the socialization process fails and the children's lives can become chaotic. Something like the description that the novelist William Golding makes in The Lord of the Flies of the process of disintegration of a group of children who lack the authority of the adult.
The presence of the father-husband, as one who has the responsibility of getting what is necessary for the family to live, is important because it offers a model with which the young person is identified. Without that aspiration, their commitment to education and work deteriorates. We must bear in mind that if a young person does not identify with that figure, other models will come to occupy that void, with a high probability that they are not exactly exemplary models, such as the leader of the gang, etc. It is also noted that when that man does not see himself in his role of support and protection of women, they also change the nature of sexual relations, which become something, at least, selfish.
Hunger of the father: a deep desire in the daughters
Father's hunger is a deep and persistent desire to connect emotionally with the father, experienced by all children. When this need is satisfied, children often grow confident, secure, strong and pleasant. Often, however, this need is not met and the need for ties with the father grows. For girls, this can turn into conflicts with food, weight and image.
In recent times, it has been common to underestimate the father's role with respect to daughters. But the father is the male model for most of the girls, and the absence of an emotional relationship with the same can translate into a distrust of their possibilities of relationship with men.
If you are a father ...
1. It has touched you; that is to say, when adolescence arrives you have to assume a more active role, in which you will have to support yourself a lot in your woman if you want her to have a good result.
2. It will be necessary to enter in the diverse conflictive subjects of this stage. You always have to talk, and who has to do it is you.
3. Take advantage of some circumstance to go with your son or daughter, alone, of trip, of excursion, of fishing ... Few adolescents can say: "This weekend I have spent the whole time with my father".
Four. You have to act both in common, chatting frequently about the teenage son or daughter to share those insights and experiences. Agree to act in common and to reinforce each other, each in the new role he has assumed.
During this stage, the father has a wide range of responsibilities. Ideally, the committed father tries to spend moments alone with his teenage sons and daughters, that is, without the rest of the family. She is interested in doing things together, by speaking and listening to them, by sharing their opinions with them and supporting them in their attempts to be adults. It is also convenient to make them participate in family decisions and to grant them (sometimes by force) as much responsibility as they can assume without feeling that they are left to drift.
Ignacio Iturbe
More information in the book: Father's heart, of Osvaldo Poli.
If you want to read the first chapter, press here.
