Complexes of teenage boys
It is very common for Teenage boys have physical complexes: some feel too low; others, too tall and ungainly; the one beyond believes that his nose ... Adolescence is a time of growth crisis: in a short time there are many changes, both in body and in the psychological.
Our children leave childhood behind, but before they reach adulthood, they need a period of adaptation and maturation. In the physical field, new situations live at the rhythm that marks the evolution of your body and that is when complexes arise.
In a different way to girls, this preparation for adult life entails some annoying side effects for the boys: the change of voice, the hair on the mustache, the accentuation of facial features, gain weight and height, consolidation of muscles, the famous grains ... and an insufferable amount of testosterone throughout the body that leads them to be especially aggressive.
In girls, the growth occurs before and in boys, it seems as if a kind of childhood is longer, giving rise to the so-called Peter Pan syndrome: not wanting to grow because being a child has many benefits and rewards and few responsibilities.
As stated by Jesús Poveda, professor of Medical Psychology at the UAM, "if we were objects, we would all be objective, but as subjects, we are all subjective, what happens is that adolescents are hypersubjective, what happens to them is the only thing that it matters, your feelings and emotions are the only criteria that must be taken into account. "
Defects, defects, everyone has some, among other reasons, because it is something very subjective, but some derive complex. "I'm too tall": on the one hand, he's right; but on the other, no. In comparison with the rest of his classmates and friends, he may feel ungainly, clumsy and like the father of all of them, but it is usually temporary situations. Life is always full of obstacles and problems that must be faced with a good face. However, some children can develop serious complexes due to their lack of maturity and the insecurity of this age.
Vulnerable to fall into depression
In a recent interview, the psychiatrist Luis Rojas Marcos responded to the question of which people are most exposed to Fall into the grip of depression: "Right now, the teenagers. It is a new period, full of idealism and consumerism and many young people can not overcome so much vitality and so many options. "From his clinical experience, he affirms that this age of change can be hell for our children.
- According to the television series, everyone has to be handsome, slender and flirt by a tube ...
- They have to approve everything, reach engineers, play football well and master the piano ...
- As in the ads for coca cola, everything has to be fun, "good roll" and enjoy life ...
- Some friends have grown up and they're on fire, their muscles are marked and they parade before everyone, especially before those other boys of fourteen, round and soft ...
- They all wear brand clothes except the one to which his mother still insists on buying her clothes personally ...
The world of friends
At these ages, the mirror in which they look are precisely their friends and desperately seek approval or, at least, go unnoticed: that others do not see them as rare. "What are you going to think, what are you going to say about me?", They become rules of behavior par excellence.
In her relationship with girls, new problems arise that had not been raised before. It is at this moment, due to their rapid physiological development, they discover sexuality and in the boy the sensations, the commotions and the impressionability before the bodily and visual stimuli are stronger. Some malicious words of a girl, "look at that, it seems like a paella", can sink her self-esteem and immerse her in a world of complexes.
Classes and types of complexes of the boys
· Physicists Orejón, rabbit teeth, pelopincho, brown (you came in patera), deformed, patachula, cross-eyed, paella, fat, toothpick, breaded, everyone hits, fourjos, to see when you shave, I get cocks ...
· Sport. Shooter, unemployed, useless, they ask him for the last one, he does not highlight anything, his team does not take him out ...
· Flirt. I'm ugly, my friend is more handsome, I do not dare to tell them anything
· Social relationships. Marica, is a soft, always at home, close to his mother, shy, cut, do not let him do anything, make me empty ...
· Brands and clothing. I give cante with my clothes, my mother does not buy anything from me, she forces me to wear clothes that I do not like, I look like a poor person next to others ...
· Study. I suspend all, I'm not worth to study, nerd, nobody comes with me ...
Help your teen overcome their complexes
To help an adolescent boy, we must take into account this hypersensitive and hypersubjective character of his personality, to realize that we must give him time and a margin of confidence. If it is about passenger complexes, our attitude should promote tranquility, so that the home becomes a safe refuge for the children. Your family has to become an authentic source of self-esteem, because you love it for what it is. When it comes to defects that can be combated medically, we will have to try that solution taking into account that it is best to wait until the end of hormonal maturation, for example, in skin issues, otherwise it could be unsuccessful.
- As the complexes start from low self-esteem, we must be careful not to compare the children, leave them in a bad place, publicly disclose their personal matters, punish them in a way that hurts their own love ... On the contrary, they must be able to find a true refuge at home.
- We can give you opportunities to achieve success in situations that we know are favorable: if you like mathematics, we can ask for help for some accounts; If you use your computer well, look for information online; if it is in order, congratulate and reward ... That is, stimulate their strengths and virtues.
- Let us be attentive and aware of the attitudes that it adopts (shyness, too much anger, bad words ...) because they can cover up complexes, and these are the ones that have to be stopped, not the attitudes.
- It is very interesting to encourage sports activities for there one learns that sometimes it is won and sometimes lost, that is, a tolerance for failure and a spirit of overcoming obstacles.
- A serious danger is that children seek information in Internet forums to solve your pretended problems. As sexuality is something that worries us at this age, the web pages are full of testimonies, questions, disinformation ... Let's also increase communication in these topics, updating us in navigation, in the use of mobile phones and messages ... Thus, seeing that we are interested, it will be easier for them to build bridges of communication.
- So you stop thinking so much about yourself, its appearance and its image is interesting that our son is open to others: from helping in some volunteer association to taking care of a sick family member.
Encourage him to develop his qualities, aptitudes and hobbies. He himself will be convinced that he can be popular in the gang - even if he is full of grains or not very tall - if he can boast of having qualified for the final mountain-bike, or if he has any special ability: the best jokes, he knows how to make magic ... In addition, we can motivate him to share those hobbies with people of his age: by enrolling him in a music or painting academy, swimming or soccer teams, Volunteer ...
Advice: Jesús Poveda. Professor of Medical Psychology at the UAM