Be independent: if you still can not, learn to be independent
One of the risks of living under the security of the paternal roof is that of abandoning oneself in that comfort, in what we now call the comfort zone, which sometimes leads to a situation of overstretching. As happy as parents are to have our child at home, it would be a disservice to keep him or her idle while losing the opportunity to develop by facing life.
If the problem is that you do not have work, you will have to encourage or make him see the need to find it. And if you do not find it really ... it may be beneficial to guide the arguments and find other options with them to improve your curriculum with other courses, languages or unpaid practices.
What if this does not work? There are other solutions, and sure that the one that that boy needs, is at your fingertips. You just have to look for it and jump into the ring. Maybe your young psychologist should start his professional experience as a babysitter, or the journalist has to edit a thesis before they send him as a special envoy to Bosnia, or the doctor goes to Venezuela for a season as a volunteer before starting his hospital residency. .. What you have to make her see is that she must start, and that she has all the support of the family to be victorious.
Ideas to start being independent before becoming independent
1. Being independent is not being autistic, but master of your own acts. If you live at home, you must respect the meal times and notify the family if it is coming or is delayed.
2. He is already one of the adults of the family and we must all count on him to make important decisions, such as a move or communicate the death of someone close to the rest of the family.
3. Respect your privacy: never open your drawers or your letters, or rummage in your wallet or purse that you carelessly forgot in the furniture of the entrance ... or you will not feel in confidence.
4. Give them those little "luxuries" adults always had at home: telephone in the room, a shelf in the aisle bookcase, a small corner in the tray where you deposit the mail, etc.
5. Avoid jokes like when I was a teenager. She's older now, so if she calls the same boy three times in a week ... make an effort and forget the jokes and comments until she allows them.
6. Suggest that you download some cumbersome responsibilities, how to attend meetings of the community of owners, attend repairs ... etc. Let those be "your" subjects.
7. It is very likely that you will come up with improvements for the house -buy a musical chain, install air conditioning ...- that benefit everyone. If they are well thought out, encourage him to be the one in charge of looking for budgets, models, ways to finance it, etc.
8. Take care of your material privacy: You can not ask a young man of 26 years to share everything with his younger brother, although he is used to it from a young age. It's time to have your "corner".
Another adult at home
On the other hand, it is not good to identify your stay at home with the absence of responsibilities, so you can delegate to them some, such as maintenance of cars -revisions, repairs, etc.-, insurance, supplies -gas, water , light- or even follow up on the studies of other small siblings. It is not about isolated errands, but that it takes all the papers, payments, invoices, etc ... that carries with all the responsibility of those subjects.
With great delicacy, it may be appropriate to link the fulfillment of these tasks to the pay that we still give you. You may prefer to consider it more as financial compensation, than as an obligation of parents who find it increasingly difficult to accept.
Dependents of their parents' money
If until now, the boys reached out every Sunday to receive their pay without any trauma, it is normal, and also positive, that they do not do it so carelessly.
If he does not earn anything or very little, it is obvious that he needs a payment that will be set, as always, by him and his parents, taking into account the family situation and the real needs: transport, material, leisure ... etc. It is expected that the child is more responsible when raising their expenses, but also that parents are more sensitive to pay and not require you to justify. You can open an account in your name and give a periodic transfer order for a fixed amount.
It is also advisable that it be monthly, so that the young person becomes accustomed to managing his budgets - income and expenses - to 30 days, as he will have to do in the future. That I still can not be independent does not mean I should not start learning to be independent.
Marisol Nuevo Espín
