Keys to recognize toxic friendships

Toxic people are those people who engage us in a complicated interaction that generates discomfort, they always have reproaches, they get angry, they create conflicts, they criticize others, etc. Sometimes it can be very complicated to handle a toxic friendship, and even get to recognize it. How do we know if any of our friendships is a toxic friendship?

What are toxic friendships

All of us have or have had some toxic friendship. Toxic friends apparently are like any other friendship, but deep down they are friendships that exhaust us and create discomfort. Within toxic friendships, we have those friends who get angry for everything, those who never call and expect us to call them, those who blame us for everything that happens to them, etc.

Toxic friendships would be those friends who constantly upset us and generate discomfort, and who often entangle us in situations and unlikely discussions of which in addition to being harmed, blame us. Toxic friendships make us lose emotional balance and harm our well-being.

Why we have toxic friendships

The human being is a social being by nature, needs to relate to others. Friendships are a source of emotional health for people, but some friendships can seriously harm our emotional balance. We have all had or may have friends with toxic attitudes, they are people who generate discomfort, but at the same time they keep us in their circle of friends.

People have friendships naturally, because friends are good for mental health and they complete us. Toxic friendships are part of our list of friends, because at first they do not have toxic attitudes, but little by little they settle in harmful attitudes and become toxic friendships.

Sometimes, harmful attitudes are hidden under a false facade of apparent good intentions and words that make us feel guilty and it can be difficult to recognize the toxic friendships. Let's see some keys to recognize these friendships:

- They are friends in one direction, focused on the other. If you have a friend, and you feel that you always give and you always have to give in, and the other person only receives, you may be facing a toxic friend. They are easy to recognize because in addition to doing this they always want to believe or make you believe that they give and that they do many things for you. For example: whenever you stay with them you have to go wherever they want, but from their point of view they are doing you a favor by staying with you. When this happens the normal thing is that we end up burned and with great discomfort.

- They do not accept you and they do not support you. It's about friends who always criticize what you do, who always reproach you for what you do (even if it has nothing to do with them), it seems they do not accept you and they never support you, they make you feel bad and despised. Sincerity is important among friends and sincere jokes or advice are acceptable, but when friendship focuses on criticism by system it stops being positive and affects our well-being and self-esteem.

- They advise you in a negative way and it seems that they encourage you to do things wrong or get the worst version of you. Friends fulfill various social functions, including support and consolation, advice and help us see things differently. If you have a friend who always advises you about things that get you in trouble or take the version of you, for example: encourages you to continue drinking, advises you to leave a relationship instead of solving it, encourages you to discuss with your family or partner instead of helping you see things differently, it ultimately helps you make wrong decisions.

- You can not trust them. A friend is a confidant, if you have a friend who can not tell intimacies because he is responsible for telling everyone, surely it is a toxic friendship.

- They do not respect your family, couple or friends, they seem too possessive with you. It's about friends who miss your loved ones, who stay with you but ask you, and even come to order that you do not take your partner, other friends, or a family member, * are friends who make fun of or disrespect your loved ones, and act as if they had all the right.

- They make you feel guilty for everything that happens to them. If they arrive late they blame you because you did not call them or because you called them, if they argue with their partner they blame you, even if they give you a fine, they are people who do not assume their mistakes and blame you and thereby generate discomfort and conflict.

Celia Rodríguez Ruiz. Clinical health psychologist. Specialist in pedagogy and child and youth psychology. Director of Educa and Learn. Author of the collection Stimulate Reading and Writing Processes.