Discipline or affection in the education of children: that is the question!
Today, many techniques whose ultimate goal was to print to boys and girls a bit of discipline they have been completely relegated ... In any case, although their name does not have a good reputation, the children need a certain degree of discipline which, of course, does not preclude educate in freedom and affection.
Experts have made it clear that physical punishment has no pedagogical value. Not only that, this type of attitude in addition to reducing academic performance, often increase the aggressiveness of the child lowering to really dangerous levels the self-esteem of the child.
Some discipline is positive for children
Of course, to discourage educational violence does not mean that we should allow them to do whatever they want at any time, but we have to demand them in another way. In the first place, to apply discipline we must try not to give way only by the degree of its pretensions (it is an insistent, stubborn boy ...) or the pressure that it is capable of exerting on us. As much as it costs us, it is better that we try to hold as calm as possible their refusals or anger, to end up yielding to their demands or way of acting.
In this sense, when we have to scold, The first thing we have to do is try to calm down (count to ten before acting). Nothing will serve us a speech full of threats, or scream and, much less, make a bad face. The best policy we can carry out will be to relax and try to find the best time to talk about it. Maybe we have to wait a few hours or, why not, one day but the results will be much more effective. And is that, if we tried to reason our son in the midst of a resounding discussion is likely to end by not listening to anything that we are saying.
Further, every time we have to scold him we will use all the delicacy and affection that we can. And it is that the objective of a rebuke should not be to humiliate the boy with a "what you have done is wrong" but, simply, learn from his own mistakes and, above all, knowing that we love him with all our heart.
Positive motivation to educate in the discipline
On the other hand, it is good that we bear in mind the poor results that physical punishment usually exerts for the future. So, for example, if we managed to get our son to order his room under severe threats, the only thing we would be getting is that the moment they disappear (when we are not present or our son is no longer under our authority) he stops acting neatly
Precisely for this reason, it is so important that we reinforce his will by motivating our son positively (congratulating him every time he gets a small success, encouraging him every time we see a new achievement ...) And that is, when a boy is educated It is not enough for these ages to know at all times that they have to be ordained, but also that they have to learn to order it well and, above all, to do it by their own will.
Tips to educate children with discipline and affection
1. Let's not threaten if we do not think to fulfill our threat. Our son would end up doing his will because he would be aware that in the end he never ends up receiving any punishment.
2. If we are very angry when punishing And, even, aggressive, try to count to 10 to relax a little before talking with our son. Only then will our scolding be effective.
3. Give your child responsibilities based on their age. Sometimes, the problem is not so much about a lack of discipline as about "excessively" high goals on the part of the parents.
4. Let's descend from our parents' throne. Continuous rigor is not positive. If we are not right, it is always good to assume our mistake and let our son know.
5. Avoid being all day on our son. If we ask you to do a certain thing, we trust that you will do it without constantly monitoring or harassing you with frequent reminders.
6. Let's always try to punish with a smile on the mouth and looking our son in the face. Oddly enough, this system is much more effective than any type of slap.
Punishing according to our mood does not usually offer good results. If the boy has to do his homework right after school, we'll have to demand it always and not forgiving him the day we get home euphoric and slap him for not having started when we got stressed.
Elena López
Advice: Lucía Herrero. Psychologist and family counselor.
