How to treat rebellious teenagers
Fourth and half screaming, a loud bang, a few teaspoons of insults and all washed down with the feeling of being unfairly treated and we will have the formula of a day in the life of a family with children rebel teenagers. Although you should not exaggerate, live with a Teen It is like sharing the home with a person who suffers a slight transient madness. Something that, to the despair of fathers and mothers, often turns into explosions of bad temper.
Adolescents, due to their lack of experience, and to changes in their body, are unaware of moderation and lack tact. The hormones that circulate in an adolescent's growing body are powerful chemical reagents. Like many other biochemical substances, they sometimes produce certain side effects, which cause strong changes in temperament (from vertiginous joy to sadness, and vice versa) and "unreasonable" behavior outbursts.
At fifteen: adolescent rebellion
With fifteen years, for example, they like to argue for arguing, searching without mercy for the errors of logic; they ram the contrariety with fierceness, as if everything, even the smallest and most insignificant, was worthy of combat or discussion. In the attempt to achieve autonomy, and helped by the physical and psychological changes they are experiencing, they miscalculate the strength they must give to each event. And since they know that their parents will try to tame those airs of freedom, our children will end up exploiting the slightest suggestion. In short, his behavior is so many times! unpredictable and crazy ...
All this is due to the lack of maturity to control their behavior when there is a real or imaginary setback. As with the young child, some young people react impulsively, without emotional restraint, and can do so in the face of a simple comment, or when asked to do something they do not like, that is, when there is no reason to justify it. such an explosion of anger.
Angry and insolent, teenagers do not realize that parents, sometimes, simply make comments and do not pretend, not for a moment, to annoy them. Adolescents perceive a police officer instead of seeing a mother or father who is interested and tries to be reasonable. Any parental comment receives a rabid, cruel, inadequate response. And parents have a hard time understanding that it is a sign of autonomy. They are stunned, caught by surprise and hurt. The role of controlling father and obedient son is blurred and usually done brusquely, without warning.
Boys and girls rebellious in adolescence
As Alejandra Vallejo-Nágera says in her book The age of the pavor, the warlike behavior of the boys is, in general, different from that of the girls.
- Rebel boys, slamming doors
Most of the guys lacks facility for dialectics under pressure. They can use short terms or phrases like "Do not touch me the balls"; strong and fast words that aim to paralyze the enemy, in this case the parents. In the battle with parental authority the boy often gets very nervous. Tends to respond in a more physical than verbal: a hit on the table, a dish that flies through the air or a huge door slam when leaving the room or the house. The dispute is usually brief; he does not know how to deal with it in a reasonable way and he solves it either by attacking with violence or by leaving. The latter is usually the best for everyone.
- Rebellious girls, dialectic
The girl displays the art of verbiage with juggler skill. Everything, absolutely everything, is subject to dissection and linguistic combat. The adorable little girl who gave many kisses and smiled frequently turns into a dragon that throws fire through his mouth when he is opposed. She puts a lot of effort into showing that she is no longer docile, or cute, or manageable. The more acidic the comment, the more effective. It does not matter what damage it causes the recipient. Deep down, he knows that he does not feel what he says and because he is very selfish, that seems more than enough.
Rebellious teenagers: nothing personal
Although those emotional changes and those bursts of genius may seem pointless to us, for teenagers they are real, even though they can not explain what they are feeling. When a teenager explodes with a "You do not understand me", he probably is right. It may be because teenagers do not know how to describe what they feel and we also do not know how to guess it. It can be difficult, but to try to understand the adolescents you have to make an effort to discover the reasons for what happens to them, learn what they are feeling and why.
The teenagers need freedom and time to achieve balance and emotional balance. The key to remember is this: never take it personally. It is difficult because they seem "irrational" and we-adults-react naturally with anger or irritation at the discourtesy and the rudeness of manners.But it is important to cultivate a somewhat distant perspective (without becoming carefree of the children) and remain as calm and unperturbed as possible, riding the provocations with patience and equanimity.
Control the situation
Shouting discussions do not solve anything. The lack of emotional control in adolescents (which, remember, is not entirely their fault) requires their mastery of the situation. Sometimes we have to remember how we were at fifteen. Sooner or later, everything stabilizes and equilibrium is reached and adolescents return to behave in a "rational" way. Meanwhile, they need a firm guide and loving understanding.
If they manage to learn to express their feelings in a healthy way and avoid the harmful side of those emotions, that is, if they avoid transforming them into words or actions that harm others, they will have reached one of the important tasks of adolescence.
Tips for dealing with rebellious teenagers
1. In order not to lose perspective, this comparison can be useful: we have to show, before his unjustified bad temper, the patience and affection that we would put in treating an eccentric and clueless older person that we really wanted.
2. If we know that certain issues can become a source of conflict, We will have to be especially prudent and rogues not to provoke them. It does not matter to overlook small details (a gesture, a not entirely happy answer) because you do not have to lose strength in minor "battles".
3. Teens are experts in arguing for arguing. We have to try not to fall into the trap of discussions to infinity by memeces; they will cling to a burning nail defending their interests.
4. Care must be taken to get out of themselves and that they do not give as much importance to their problems and their anger, but that they worry about their friends. They can not be indifferent, for example, to the suffering of a friend and may have to visit him often.
5. Do not think that we are always right. On the contrary, we must be clear that sometimes (or many times) the children may be right in their anger or their outbursts of bad temper. Do not cling to our position if it is wrong. If we know how to acknowledge that we have made a mistake, we will be providing an example to the teenagers of many carats. Demanding and negotiating with adolescent children is an art.
6. In the middle of an angry or an angry conversation It is not the best time to put punishments or give sermons. We will have to leave it for when we are more calm.
Ricardo Regidor
Advice: James B. Stenson. Founder and director of Northridge Preparatory School of Chicago (USA) and Consultant of the National Commission for the support of the Humanities in Washington D.C.
