Customize your children's education

Why educating all children equally, are they finally so different? Obviously no two people are the same and, therefore, in the face of the same stimulus, each one captures and acts in a different way. And, is that each of our children has its own character and we must take it into account to better guide their education.

Each one of your children, even being educated in the bosom of the same family, with the same parents and the same standards, they get their own experiences. Throughout his life and as a result of his decisions, actions or omissions, will get new and disparate information to the rest of the brothers. In this way, we see that the educational result obtained with the children is essentially specific in each one of them.

Know your son to better guide his education

Without pretending to achieve the knowledge of specialists in psychology, we must know various peculiarities that make up the character of our children and daughters avoiding with it, not only unattainable pretensions regarding these, but also frustrations in ourselves as parents.

It is clear that each child is different, has its own character and through it experiences a set of psychological actions and reactions typical of their individuality. Its character is congenital and is characterized by set of tastes, aversions, aptitudes and ineptitudes that are part of "their" nature.

In order to educate with the greatest possible margin of effectiveness, parents must make an effort to know what the character of each of our children may be, only in this way can we evaluate the result or behavior of them in justice. And, through the education we provide them, we will forge their personality, as a result of what is given by nature and what has been acquired; of the mixture of its character, the family atmosphere and the external influences in which his life unfolds, which manifests itself through what we call "his behavior". Hence, the importance of knowing these to the maximum.

Accept your children as they are, not as you want them to be

Your son is the way he is. His character is congenital and it is best to accept, honestly, his way of being and according to it try to help him improve as a person, to be "dominus", gentlemen, not slaves, of themselves. For this purpose it is good to consider a series of circumstances that can determine their personal differences: the genetic inheritance, the stimuli received, the place they occupy in the family, their friends and teachers, their character, etc. Only by knowing thoroughly a son can we judge him with justice. This requires a lot of effort to coexist with him, or with her, and accept the fact that we do not always have to change his reality to accommodate ours. They have their personality and our task will be to provide the guidelines so that they are a better person and not a continuation of ourselves.

Your children should notice that you especially want each one of them and not only as a whole. Each child should feel important at home, reserving a moment of the day to tell you their worries and joys, their important things, which from your adult perspective will seem insignificant. And, by knowing how to make you see that you really like the way you are, you will reinforce your self-esteem and see how sincere your efforts are to correct him to make it better.

The usual reason why we educate is love, so that our children are happy. And, they will only be happy if, as a consequence of that process, they achieve, day by day, a complete personal improvement. Those who do not understand happiness well, sooner or later feel the bitterness of dissatisfaction. Dissatisfaction, if they consider that happiness is "having" material goods, since they can not all be reached and we will always lack some, if not many of them. Dissatisfaction, if they consider that happiness is not suffering from pain, illnesses or limitations, because the human being is limited, he is never immune to illness and pain, and this, physical or spiritual, seems to be inherent to our nature. This, however, requires that we know how to recognize the improvement experienced, which in most cases requires that, before someone has taught us to recognize, identify, accept and enjoy this momentary improvement, timely and apparently, sometimes even almost insignificant.

The most effective and habitual means employed in the family environment for the education of children are the coexistence, the dialogue and the example, which demand from the parents-educators a correct criterion, the quality of the time devoted and, fundamentally, coherence. But this coherence is not limited to your example, but to the effort that requires an authentic education, to know the character of each child and each daughter, to design a specific plan for improvement and thus channel their personality. It is in the knowledge of your character, where you will find the keys to personalize these aids.

Tips to customize the education of each of your children

- Think about the strengths and weaknesses of each of your children. This information must be obtained, not only by observing your child, but by means of books, friends' experiences or advice from professionals. This is the safest way to get right in your way of acting before your behavior.

- Help boost your strengths having a good image of him / her, praising what they do well, increasing their self-esteem, trusting that they will achieve what they set out to do.

- Accept your child's way of being, assuming its peculiarities. Do not pretend that it adapts to the way of being that you would like it to have and that it is none other than your very way of being. If you do not accept it, you will become desperate and will put your maternal / paternal-filial relationship in serious risk.

It is only happy that he experiences the constant satisfaction of his personal improvement in some of his personal facets: corporal, affective, sentimental and spiritual. It is not necessary to be simultaneously in all of them, it is enough to be aware of the constant improvement in some to "feel" happiness, to know ourselves and to feel "happy". Think together what small challenges you should pose to each child so that, step by step, be aware of their personal improvement and know how to enjoy it. The moody when getting up, a smile; to the perfect gift in his duties, the obligation to do them within a schedule; to the most nervous, patience when there is no silence at home to study, etc.

Ana Aznar
Advice: Antonio López Roa. President of the Institute of Family Studies. Family counselor