The older brother's example

With the arrival of new brothers and with the passage of time, the first child becomes the elder brother. It is not an easy role: on the one hand, it will have more freedoms and will be the one that sends the most home after the parents. But on the other, their condition will also involve a series of challenges, such as opening a gap for the other brothers, serving as a point of reference for them and becoming a replaceable support for the parents.

"You have to set an example", "you have to be more responsible", "you must take care of your brothers", "stop fighting with your brother, do not you see that he is smaller?" ... These are some of the phrases of the parents that the older brother has to listen to. Being the firstborn carries with it a series of obligations that, just as they can help children mature, can also be overwhelming and unattractive.

That is why it is so important that we know how to maintain balance at home: older brotherwith excessive responsibilities turning him into a nanny or the "steward" of his brothers (or his parents), or stop asking for help when we really need it.

Big brother figure

1. The example to follow.The figure of older brother It has always been a point of reference in families. For the parents it is a support to which they can resort when necessary, in addition to that they tend to get more involved with it due to the fact that the stages that the brother starts are also stages in which the parents have to make their debut (night outings, entrance in the university, etc.). For younger siblings, the oldest is a role model and, even if they are not aware of it, they always have their eyes on him and his way of doing things.

2. The first to open the way.Also in the educational field, the older brothers tend to open the way. As parents, we must be aware of this and support them when necessary. Both when your help is useful at home (an unexpected trip, an outing with friends ...), as to solve a specific family problem (the little one is becoming an answer and maybe a conversation with his older brother is fine ). And all this, being careful not to tire our eldest son for using too much his position, or erroneously putting him as an example of everything.

3. The teacher in education.We must also highlight the role of older brothers when it comes to educating children. Frequently, parents are softer and softer with young children, while with older children we were tougher and more demanding, and this is usually reflected in their character. For this reason, many times the role of the older brother is very useful in the face of the education of the minors: he can put the minor in his place in certain occasions (so that he is not capricious, so that he collaborates more in the home, so that it is not selfish or lazy, etc.) that parents overlook us. Maybe we, over the years have become more permissive, but the eldest of our children perfectly remembers the education he received and will demand the same for his younger siblings, so his intervention and the relationship between twinning certain situations is important to get to where sometimes we do not arrive.

Precisely for this reason, we must be careful to disavow the major when he is right or ridicule in front of his younger siblings, since these can give them the impression that the opinion of the older does not count at all and, therefore, have the "permission" from their parents to do what they want without anyone being able to stop them.

Balanced treatment for older siblings

It is not the same to ask the greatest of our children for help, to overload them with responsibilities; This can lead to the biggest ends up being a slave of the smallest, whose mischief can reach unsuspected limits. No wonder: younger brothers know perfectly that they play with advantage and that their status as "little" can get them out of trouble.
However, the opposite may also be the case and it is the older brother who abuses his position, taking advantage of the trust that his parents have placed in him. The young man can not avoid growing up and exploiting his brothers a little to avoid certain responsibilities and jobs that seem cumbersome.

A balanced treatment of the children will also help them to assume their rightful position and not see it as a burden or as an advantage depending on what it is. This balance will help us to be fairer with them and it does not happen, for example, that in a fight between brothers the biggest always be the one who bears almost all the blame and usually the minor comes out unscathed just for the fact of being the little brother .

Let us be aware that we can not always treat the child as if he were a baby and leave him free of responsibilities because we believe that he will not be able to fulfill them, while we do not pass on to the biggest or one mistake and we always expect the best from him. Otherwise, it is easy for children to think of favoritism on the part of their parents and jealousy.

Teresa Pereda
Adviser:Gerardo Castillo. Doctor of Education Sciences