Ideas to say sorry: do you usually ask for forgiveness?
Sometimes the relationship with others is not very fluid; moreover, sometimes man is truly a wolf to man, as said philosopher. And yet, we are called to happiness and harmony. What happen? Are we unable to ask for forgiveness, of To say I'm sorry"? Do we let resentment block us? Perhaps it is in youth when it is most important to learn to forgive.
From frustration to liberation
Just as resentment belongs to the affective area, forgiveness is framed in the area of will, that is, in a higher area. Each time we forgive we choose to cancel the moral debt that the other has contracted with his actions, that is, we release him as a debtor. It is natural that after the offense, in any person, the negative emotional tendencies are automatically triggered: it is part of human nature
But when we do not forgive a deficit of freedom is established, because there are a series of ties that cause us to be stuck, bound, frustrated. But man is an embodied spirit and if that spiritual dimension is allowed to arise then a turn occurs, the liberating change from slavery to freedom, from frustration to liberation, from bitterness to happiness, from stagnation to progression.
Characteristics of forgiveness
These are the requirements for forgiveness to be true.
IMMEDIATE. Before resentment subsides. The longer it is granted, the more difficult it is for forgiveness, because the damage is rooted and does not want to leave, it intends to corrode us.
WHOLE. You have to forgive without reservations, everything, even the seemingly unforgivable. If we leave something unforgiving, it means that there is no true intention of peace or freedom. In that case, it is possible that we are deceiving ourselves and our conscience.
REITERATED. Forever. It will be difficult, we will find many difficulties: tiredness, thinking that they are laughing at us (again the temptation of wounded pride), believing that we will seem naive ... This attitude, more than naivety, is sagacity because it is a question of long-term project and the triumph is always for those who act properly, with an eye on the future, with a long-term view. To forgive repeatedly to various insults or to one and over time, strength is needed.
REALISTIC. Forgiving is not naivety. You have to know how to look at the offense as what it is. Reality is seen from the front, not tangentially. This realism entails, in the first place, considering the possible extenuating or extenuating circumstances. Later, to hate the damage, the evil, the unjust, but always with the commiseration toward the aggressor. "He hates crime and sympathizes with the delinquent," it was once said.
HUMBLE. Essential condition to forgive. The proud does not really forgive and if he does, his forgiveness is hardly authentic and profound.
COZY. We must be ready to seek a "graceful exit" who offended. In addition to forgiving, it is necessary to help him to rectify his behavior so that he does not repeat it again and, perhaps even, in that way and thanks to the testimony it serves to channel some other inappropriate attitudes. This cozy way may imply modifying some of our dispositions and behaviors since, in how many offenses that we have received, we have not had part in the provocation of the other?
The good thing about asking for forgiveness
The benefits of asking for forgiveness are multiple, but the greatest of all is the inner peace that is achieved. Many ailments, disappointments and depressive states have their origin in resentment. And it is logical, since the unhealed wounds of the soul are often more painful and complicated than most of the corporal wounds, that is why asking for forgiveness and knowing how to forgive has so many benefits.
Forgive ourselves
Sense of guilt and forgiveness are intimately related. Anyone with an awareness of their own actions is seized (and must be seized) a sense of guilt after certain thoughts, attitudes or inappropriate actions. Just as life with resentment is difficult, with a sense of guilt it is also difficult to walk forward. The sense of guilt is related to not allowing ourselves to be forgiven, not admitting that we can be forgiven. It denotes a certain dose of pride and a deep and unspeakable fear of being authentically free.
The solution is simple. Just as you have to dissolve resentment, through forgiveness to the other, you have to resolve the sense of guilt, admitting the forgiveness you give us and knowing how to forgive ourselves. Otherwise, we would arrive at a tormented conscience or a comfortable or lax consciousness. The true solution to the sense of guilt is forgiveness, true repentance before the offense caused to others. It is the largest of the releases. True peace, tranquility is achieved.And, once again, from this vantage point we can see the best perspectives, the clean horizon that allows us to move forward and reach the proposed goal.
Ignacio Iturbe
