How to turn love into long-term happiness

A few years ago, the psychologist Arthur Aron made famous a questionnaire of 36 questions that promised find love immediately. As a study, this psychologist put two strangers face to face and both took turns asking themselves these 36 questions, which were landing on an increasingly intimate track of each one, that is, the questions were increasingly personal. until at the end, both had to look each other in the eye without speaking for four minutes and ... Cupid's arrows were received by both of them arising love between them!

The people who have carried out the experiment say that it has helped them to create very intimate bonds, which can be translated into love in the broadest sense of the word, that is, not only in relationships but in close relationships of friendship.

Undoubtedly, love is very beautiful when it arrives, but the great secret is to know how to maintain it, that is: how to turn that love into happiness in the long term? Many authors and psychologists say that the important thing is to feed him daily because "love must be worked on". However, recent studies suggest that other factors also come into play.

One of the latest studies has been carried out by John Gottman, an American psychologist known for his studies of couples, who performed a study that predicts, with 90 percent accuracy if a couple is going to divorce or not.

He analyzed in detail the reactions of the couples during the conversations between them, from their heart rate and blood pressure, to their facial expressions. In his conclusion he found that one of the indicators to know if a couple is going to divorce or not depended directly on what positive or negative that were each in the conversation.

Couples least likely to be separated were those who showed more positive than negative points in their conversations, according to the Gottman scale. While those that were in a spiral of negativity during your conversations, they are more likely to suffer a break.

Stable couples do not enter spirals of negativity

In arriving at this conclusion, Gottman, in association with the mathematician James Murray, decided to continue investigating the causes that lead to the appearance of this spiral of negativity and the results obtained are very interesting: the equations were able to predict in what way If positive or negative, the subject will respond in the conversation. Y depends directly on the mood, both when they are alone and when they are in pairs, as well as how to influence each other.

Therefore, mathematics has shown that the couples most likely to be stable in their relationships are those that do not spiral into negativity. Those that do not ignore the problems, that do not accumulate them for a later explosion, but that they dialogue and solve them in the moment avoiding to that they go to majors. Being free of charges, your moods will be more positive for dialogue.

Marina Berrio