The concern for what they will say: 5 tricks so you do not care

We all like to like others and we care about making a good impression. We are social beings and it is normal that in a certain sense we are concerned or interested in making a good impression. However, on certain occasions, some people may have excessive concern for the opinion that others have about them. If you worry too much what others think about you, if you obsess "what they will say", you may be forgetting your opinion of yourself.

Why do we care about the opinion of others?

The human being is a social being by nature, to develop needs to interact with others. Among the basic needs of the human being, we can point out:


1. The need to belong to a group. Belonging to a group helps us to reaffirm our own identity, to define ourselves.

2. The need to feel supported. The human being needs to perceive the support of a group, needs to feel supported and supported.

In addition to these two basic needs, the group contributes to social, emotional and affective development. The group allows us to integrate into society and covers our affective needs, allows us to establish links and feeds our well-being and self-esteem.

The opinion of others, therefore, worries us in a natural way. The others constitute the social group and it is logical that their opinion may concern us, since it will depend on our integration or not, in the group and the coverage or not of the mentioned needs.


The obsession with 'what will they say'

It is true that this is a concern, in a certain sense, logical and natural, but it is also true that when we worry too much it can become very dangerous and limits us.
A concern in excess for the opinion that others have of us, can become a true obsession that dominates our behavior and limits our self.

So when we worry about what others are thinking we forget ourselves and act to make a good impression and get favorable opinions. Some of the consequences of this concern in excess by what they say, can be:

1. We begin to interpret any comment, or gesture as a negative opinion. We must understand that many times others are not thinking about us. When the worry is excessive we can interpret gestures that do not have to do with us as negative opinions and this will have an impact on our social interactions. If I think that the other has a bad opinion about me, I will feel bad and act according to that feeling.


2. It is what is known as a self-fulfilling prophecy. That is, by acting in accordance with that bad feeling, we provoke in the other the reaction that concerns us.

3. Self-esteem is damaged. If we are awaiting the opinion of others, we run the risk of leaving our self-esteem based on those opinions.

5 tricks to get rid of the worry about 'what they will say'

1. Listen inside yourself and let yourself be carried away by the opinion that you have of yourself, not because of the opinion others have of you.

2. Understand that you can not always like everyone. Sometimes others may have a bad opinion about you, but it does not have to be something generalized or something that extends to everything we are or what we do.

3. Avoid interpreting what others are thinking, rRemember the danger of self-fulfilling prophecy. Instead you should keep in mind that they do not have to be thinking about you.

4. If you are looking for an opinion from someone close to you, ask him directly.

5. Learn to accept criticism and use them constructively to learn and improve.

Celia Rodríguez Ruiz. Clinical health psychologist. Specialist in pedagogy and child and youth psychology. Director of Educa and Learn. Author of the collection Stimulate Reading and Writing Processes.

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